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I Am Traveling On The Path Of My Heart.

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“Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?” ~ Mary Oliver

Maybe it’s the change of seasons approaching and the crispness in the air. Or maybe I’m in a perpetual seasonal change. Either way, my life keeps evolving as the layers of me are revealed.

What I crave and long for is being sifted through a convoluted gamut of life lessons. Many of these I didn’t ask for however; I see clearer through the darkness.

Sometimes it feels like I’m running in a perpetual nightmare or I’m going too slowly. I have to press Pause, a lot lately, and rewind a few dozen scenes.

Memories are like that; repeated until we can chisel off the rough edges and find the imperfect qualities of beauty.

“Your problem is how you are going to spend this one odd and precious life you have been issued. Whether you’re going to spend it trying to look good and creating the illusion that you have power over people and circumstances, or whether you are going to taste it, enjoy it and find out the truth about who you are.” ~ Anne Lamott.

I’m at a stage now where I want less of materialistic — less house, less car — and deeper passions and connections. I do want to taste [life], enjoy it and find out the truth of who [I am].

I can’t linger on the fringes of blindness going along with the flow of what-everyone-else-does.

The status quo hurts my skin and it’s not who I am.

As I further tease out the perplexities of my life and let the silt settle at the bottom of a lake, I am aware there will be incubation periods of adjustment.

For if I go any faster, I fear I will disintegrate.

I fight with my own fears and self-doubt of what will it be like on the other side of tomorrow. Where will I eventually live?

My dreams are plenty and I can see flickers of threads pulling me to the right places.

Still, I have to return inwards because the funnel of life is a bouquet of wild meadow flowers. It is expansive as the sky and deeper than the sea. I see through a parallel staircase leading me higher.

It gets overwhelming and exciting and confusing. Therefore, I have to find places to tuck in and breathe.

I believe all of these feelings of chaos and insecurity are redefining my foundation of what do I really need? What is pulling and tugging at my heart fibers? How much more do I have to change, end and renew? And ultimately define, who I am.

My mornings and nights are filled with writing and thoughts of what is next? Where am I going? How can I find a focal point when there’s so much I want to do?

Those questions are endless and I hope, to some extent, remain a part of my psyche. I don’t want to become stagnant. Some days, I become a tidal pool and rest in the pockets of warm sand while transitions and transformations take on an ebb and flow of the tides.

I have to learn to be patient and more loving towards me.

And such as it is I read the timeliest synchronistic harmonies:

“…there is only the traveling on paths that have heart, on any path that may have heart. There I travel, and the only worthwhile challenge is to traverse its full length. And there I travel looking, looking, breathlessly.” ~ Don Juan.

Yes, I am traveling on the path of my heart. My heart is leading the way with an artery of soul and cells of compassion and empathy to connect and a profound desire to learn. This one precious life is a gift. I can’t extinguish it when the flame is burning at such a beautiful hot blue.

The embers of trauma mixed with subtle solace are a wealth of wisdom etched in the cells of my soul. I will continue to let the words whisper their truths.

 

Path of Heart

On the back edge of the moon
with the night’s endless jazzy blues
a syncopated pitter-patter
and the arches of dense clouds
help tame a piercing ache.

My intentions rarely set
in an ordinary way
instead I pray
like the rain pounds
on dusty starved earth.

I feel a crack in my chest
a burst of inner heart
an overflow of lost wild
and a flood of compassion
I join the cry of my once lost soul.

I see light into my healing
to answer the call
and silence beholds the repetitive chants

of, “No-you-can’t!”

and I declared, “Yes, I will!”

I will rise onto a stage
with this very precious life
eyes crafted of empathy
hearing of a finely tuned flute
skin the warble of a rose
touch, the elixir of moon

lava of sun runs through my veins
and my soul?
vows to speak for humankind and liberation.

I will walk side by side
with the path of my heart leading the way.

 

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Carolyn Riker

Carolyn Riker

Carolyn Riker, M.A., LMHC, is a counselor, teacher, writer and poet. She currently writes for several online journals such as Women’s Spiritual Poetry blog and formerly Elephant Journal. A collection of her work is on her blog, Magic of Stardust and Words. Her poetry and prose have been featured in three books. Between sips of coffee and navigating life via the stars and moon, Carolyn leads journal-writing workshops and has a private counseling practice. Additionally, she’s in the process of completing her first collection of poetry and prose, available in the fall of 2016. Followed with a bit of magic, there's a children’s book too.
Carolyn Riker
Carolyn Riker