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Treasure. It’s all been about treasure. And my availability to my own treasure.

It’s like my entire life so far has been a treasure hunt to reclaim the treasures that were in me all along, see them and hold them and value them for all that they are, and then live and embody them and share them from a strong place where they can overflow.

Most of them have been hidden inside traumas, some big and some very small. A part of that journey was trying to make others see or accept or claim my treasure. But, after passing through some dark, deep swampy areas that I could barely even make out on my map, and then coming face to face with my own reflection…

I saw that the person who needed to see and accept my treasure, all this time, was me.

My inner masculine needs to see my inner feminine’s treasure. And she needs to value and trust his too.

He has been absent on many levels, not standing up in his power and failing to be there to consistently hold and catch my inner feminine when she falls.

I need to unlock my own heart with the key that I have, now that I have learnt from previously trying it in so many of the wrong locks. I want my inner feminine and masculine to work together as a team in their availability to each other — to unite and bring both of their needed aspects to the table to create harmony and coherence in my being and life.

I am currently committing to this for 21 days to create a container for consistency, discipline, power and listening. I will listen to my inner masculine, and open a safe space for my inner feminine to trust and offer her wisdom and build a new relationship with nourishment. An open space to be available to all of the parts of me, a place to create a flow between giving and receiving.

A journey of grieving and releasing the past and limiting beliefs and stories, whilst simultaneously gratefully celebrating the present and creating and welcoming in the new.

Writing my freedom, a day at a time.

But, what is my treasure?

Since feeling the call to make this commitment to myself, I have spent a lot of time looking into how I can do this, trying to pin down what my treasure is. This same treasure that I have been so desperate for others to see.

What is it that the inner masculine needs to see in my inner feminine that I have been trying to resolve on the outside?

I feel like my inner feminine has seen my inner masculine’s treasures and potential for a long time now, and she has been waiting for him to step up and embody them. In my life so far, he has acted more like my wounded critic rather than inner hero, due to a number of reasons and life experiences.

He has suppressed my inner feminine and her feelings and wisdom on many levels, whilst at the same time letting her run wild and descend chaos on my life… in rebellion due to his lack of consistent holding and containment.

These 21 days will be a journey into my treasure.

A journey of gratitude for what I find, claim or celebrate, and a full acceptance for them — whether they are ugly or beautiful.

I am aware of the gap that exists on any healing journey — between the point of insight and awareness in the mind, and the embodiment of this awareness in life that integrates this knowing through experience. That is why I want to live this availability for 21 days, to start, so that I can fully reclaim and integrate my treasures and win my own heart back.

I have created an availability altar to act as a focus and power point for this journey, and to also bring magic and celebration to the challenge. It includes a stone I painted a turtle on, bringing me the medicine I need in terms of a slow, steady and consistent approach that is needed for these 21 days.

I have a photo frame dedicated to my inner feminine and masculine treasures, mostly placing those that I associated with the masculine on the outside — the container and holder — and the mostly feminine ones on the inside.

{Photo credit: Louisa Lamorna Phillips}

What will happen in these 21 days?

I don’t know exactly what will happen, and I am focusing on the process rather than the product, but I know that:

* It will be practice, experience and a step-by-step journey.

* It will be a celebration of my treasures, and a looking in daily at what is alive in me.

* It will be a treasure hunt — my treasure hunt. A hunt for any remaining ones that I need on my quest. It will be a full reclaim and lockdown of the ones I have already found, so that I can proceed with my full bounty intact, owned and accounted for.

* It will be going into the dark, where most treasures are found, and being with my fears and limiting beliefs and challenges as they arise, as well as my joy, love and resources, so that I can heal, release or transform the old stories and blocks to create space for the new that I want to write, from my treasure.

* It will be consistently sticking with some boundaries that I have set: consistent nourishment and completion of beautiful daily rituals and practices that I have adopted or created. It will be leaning into my grief as well as joy, and my feminine wisdom and receptivity as well as my masculine action. It will involve releasing and letting go as well as creating, building and gardening.

* It will be feeling my feelings, and holding myself in them. It will be healing my heart with my heart, and not with my mind.

* It will mean being present to the needs of the moment, and taking one step and one day at a time.

* It will be a journey of truly believing in and deeply trusting in myself.

* It will be a process (rather than product) of loving me in the way that I seek also to be loved on the outside. It will be choosing me. Seeing me. Accepting me. Celebrating me. Claiming me.

Maybe everything I have ever dreamed of is on the other side of these 21 days. I am going to find out.

Join me? I’d love company… share your journey with me in any comments below.

***

Louisa Lamorna Phillips is a Freedom Writer at Wild Magical Freedom, and shares excavated treasures and adventures throughout her quest to live her own Wild Magical Freedom, here and now. She teaches Yoga, and offers resources, tools, coaching, workshops and retreats for people to own their past, free their future, and be their present.

***

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