The Rising. {poetry}
{source}
Five years it’s been
Since I last saw your face
The most painful day of my life
Where did it all go wrong?
How could the man I love
Turn from sweet innocence
To a dangerous monster?
Forcing me to flee
For my mind, body, and heart’s sake.
In the beginning, our spirits were full of adventure
And our wedding was a page out of a storybook
Yet like a princess locked away in the highest tower
I felt my soul slipping away
Hoping and wishing every day
For a soldier to come rescue me
From the dagger in your words
And the sting of your fist
But none ever came
Then the warrior rose within me
With sword and shield
Ready to fight for my freedom
Declare war on all the wrong you had done to me
Even if my heart was not ready to leave
Still holding out hope
That some part of you
Did truly love me
Day after day the battle raged
And more and more it became clear
That nothing about you was ever sincere
I had fallen in love with a lie
And on that final day
My heart shattered into a million pieces
Liberation had been won
I was a free woman
Lost in a wilderness of what once was
Weary and badly wounded
I disappeared
Lying beneath the surface
Hiding from the world
Trusting no one
In fear of being swindled again
You had destroyed me
Almost beyond repair.
And like dislocated, broken bones
My heart became disfigured,
Forming into the shape of a mended, warped shield
Protecting me from feeling love’s cold, painful sting again
I felt crippled,
Alone and desperate
So I fled
From everyone
And everything
I ever knew
To escape the memory of you
Running far, far away
I came to a place where cathedrals and castles told a tale
And fashion, wine, and cheese reigned
Granting me a new start
So that the true me
Could rise from the ashes once again
But just as a doctor resets deformed bones
The distortions in my heart began to break.
Agony engulfed my soul
My heart suffered in torment and pain
The outside world saw a smile
But I was barely functioning inside.
Yearning for it all to end
Death began to look like a merciful friend.
Picking up a pen,
I turned to an old friend
And with each stroke of ink,
My heart was soothed
My soul put at ease.
Wrapped in beautiful, phoenix-feathered silk
I began to rest.
As the days grew long
My heart became one
Then little by little
Light shone through
The wrappings fell off
And once again the mirror
Showed the woman I once knew
Rising from the ashes
Armed and ready
The warrior within
Began to survey the dungeon
That had held me captive from the world
Looking for ways to bring it down
In the past, the war was fought alone
Every struggle endured in silence
But now other warriors appeared
Bringing sledgehammers and grenades
Together we destroyed the prison
That I had called home for far too long
I began to walk again
Smile again, laugh again
Believe in love again
I became open
Willing to trust
Willing to learn
Fear no longer controlled me
I am whole
I am healed
I can do anything
My heart is able to love again.
***
Karen Kirby is a southerner who loves theatre and poetry. She believes these are the two best ways to spotlight problems and emotions in the world that are often swept under the rug. Today’s society does not always allow a person to express their deep emotions or feelings. They are often deemed ‘sensitive’ or ‘crazy’ even for expressing how they truly feel. Yet in poetry and theatre one can express these deep emotions without ridicule. This is why she writes. So that those who feel as deeply as her never feel alone.
***
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