you & me

I Cannot Put You Back Together.

 

I see your broken pieces, and I want to gather them up and put you back together again.

I feel your pain, as if it were my own, because at one time it was, and I feel it again because of the connection between us. I recognize the parts of you that have been hurt, feel the rejection that crippled you so long ago. And I find the beauty in you that you fail to see yourself. That’s what I do because I am a healer. Because my heart is so full of love that I long to give away.

That’s what I have done over and over again. Tried to heal others, and left my own heart broken in the process. There is a long list of failed attempts.

It has taken me years to finally figure it out. I cannot fix the broken people. Yes, I can give them comfort and a temporary fix. It may last for a night, a few months, years, decades… but in the end, they are still broken, and I am left with a shattered heart. Left to put myself back together once again. I have finally come to realize that I am not the one who can heal them.

Only they can heal themselves, just as I have had to find healing within myself, over and over again. My job is to be the vessel that brings them love.

I don’t know why I am drawn to the souls who are so broken. Why my eyes meet theirs across a room full of people or on a crowded city street, and we know each other. Our eyes lock and hold us together, knowing we have met before in another lifetime. The recognition is so strong, it takes my breath away.

This is not a bad thing, reconnecting with my soul family, here on Earth. But I need to go about it differently. I need to let go of the notion of ownership. There is no soul mate that I need to spend my life with. We all belong to each other, and yet no one can own another. This is where I fall… in believing I have found my other half, when really, I am whole all by myself.

So now, when I see your eyes so full of pain, I will still open my arms to you. I will let love pour from my heart, and you can choose whether or not you want to receive it. I will not let fear stop me.

I will acknowledge the pain that we both may feel, kiss the broken parts so that you might see them, show you how to glue them back together yourself. I will replace your fear with love, and help you heal yourself. I will hold on to my own spirit and let its strength guide me. I will give myself to you, without giving myself away. I will still say, “I love you,” because I do. Because that is what I am: Love.

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Rishell Graves is a musician who lives in Washington State, in the Columbia River Gorge, where she finds beauty and inspiration. She writes to heal herself and others.

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