you & me

Filling Yourself Up, and Stepping into Your Power.


We need to focus our energies on filling ourselves up from the inside.

So often we look to other people or other things to fill us up or to make us happy, to make things better, to take care of things, or to make us feel a certain way. But this is such a losing game, because we can’t control other people or the things outside ourselves. And so at some level we’ll always be fearful, because those things could be taken away.

We aren’t the source of the things we want in this case, which understandably makes us feel insecure and anxious. Our well-being rests on unstable external sources, and so we inevitably try to control them in some way to keep ourselves safe.

Once we see this, it becomes obvious that we may have given our power away in certain ways, often without even realizing it.

The good news is that we’re all in charge of our own thoughts, feelings and behavior. This is the one thing we can control.

We can decide to be the source of the things we want. We can decide that we’ll no longer rely on others to meet our needs, to make us feel a certain way or to give us what we want. We will give it to ourselves instead.

We can think about all the things we’d like to get from other people, and make a plan for how we’ll give every single one of those things to ourselves — how we’ll fill ourselves up.

There is tremendous power and freedom in this, in growing into everything we were meant to be. It doesn’t require control of anyone or anything other than the way we treat ourselves and live our own lives.

I’m not suggesting we close ourselves off from others. Or that we set up scenarios where we’ll end up lonely, hardened or selfish — just the opposite in fact.

We’ll be able to open up to and enjoy other people all the more, with very few expectations, without wanting or needing anything from them. They’ll be free to be themselves and to live as they choose, as we are, with no agenda placed on them.

We can lean into support, love and friendship — appreciating it massively — but knowing we would survive if it was taken away. So we won’t need to grasp or cling. We won’t stifle or suffocate. There will be room for everyone and everything to breathe. The support from others mirroring back and becoming a welcome addition to what we’re already giving ourselves.

So how can you commit to yourself?

How can you step into your own power more?

How can you love and treat yourself in the way you would wish to be loved and treated by others?

How would you like someone else to make you feel? How can you generate those feelings for yourself?

The irony is that others will want to be there and do things for you all the more, once you no longer need them to, because they won’t feel any pressure or obligation. They can give freely, or not, by choice — which feels so much better for all involved.

So you end up giving much more to yourself and you end up receiving much more authentic love and support from others, making it easy to see how you’re suddenly filled up. And ready to go out and share the love that’s spilling over with the world.

This abundance is so different to the place of lack it can be easy to walk around in, where we’re looking for the thing or person that will start filling us up or making things better.

When you’re already full, you’ll want to give rather than get, and you’ll start to attract others who are doing the same.

So fill yourself up, be a person you can count on and share the love that’s in your heart, trusting that the rest will take care of itself.


KellySalterKelly Burns is a UK-based writer, coach, and researcher, specializing in women’s health, social psychology and the mind-body connection. She writes for both print and online publications, working on a flexible and freelance basis. Kelly also offers the un-sticking and clarity coaching package, for anyone looking for purpose or direction with their career, or going through any big transition to create a life they love. She is the author of the Inner Jewel blog. You can get in touch with her via her website and connect with her on Facebook and Twitter.


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