archives, you & me

Mourning the Loss of the Illusion of Self.


There comes a time when all we have left are the tears we have not cried. Tears for our soul.

A time when even after having done so much work, and coming so far, there is still a river inside of us which has not been allowed to flow. After struggling through the depths of our abused, neglected, rejected, abandoned, exiled selves, and facing and owning our trauma and our wounding, we reach a point where there is nothing left but to let the river flow.

The river you see here is the grief for our self.

All those lost aspects of our spirit we have been forced to bury, hide, and become estranged from along the way.

All the time we have lost fighting our demons, living in fear, and seeking attention and conditional love in all the wrong places, with all the wrong people.

All the energy it has taken from us to simply survive in a world of madness created from our unconscious patterns.

All the vitality it has taken to keep ourselves from shining our true light.

All that time, energy, and vitality we could have been using to reach our highest potential, and live the truth of our soul.

Yet, here we are, with the river beneath the river. It’s time to let go and cry. Time to let the anger give way to the tears. Time to surrender the fight. For where has fighting got us?

Only into a war with ourselves.

Yes, there is fear in letting go and giving permission for the river to flow.

Fear in not being strong enough, weak, letting our defenses down.

This, my dear sisters, is our place of vulnerability, and one of our greatest gifts.

We women know how to cry, and when we allow ourselves to cry unabandoned, miracles happen. We become lighter, liberated, empowered, and finally free.

Free of the constraints forced upon us. Free of the cages set steadfastly around our heart. Free of the darkness that smothers our radiant light.

Constraints, cages and darkness we unconsciously chose to continue to live within, quite simply because nobody showed us how.

So cry, my dear girl, let go. Cry shamelessly. Cry freely. Cry until the river flows healthy once again. Cry until the laughter comes through. Cry until the smile shines once again.

And know we are all crying together.

We are all mourning the loss of the carefully crafted illusion of self. We are all in mourning for the journey we have been on to get ourselves here.

In this wonderful and amazing moment in time, on our timelines, in her-story.

We are crying our way to a brighter world, one created from the truth of our heart and the depth of our soul.

We are crying for all that we are, the courage we have found, the hurdles we have jumped over, the power we have reclaimed and the voice we can now use.

We are the sacred warriors who will rebuild a new earth, and these tears will help us do so.

Tears which hold no pity, no self-loathing, no victimhood.

Tears which have the potency to set in motion a re-love-ution of the collective spirit of the Feminine. She who quite simply is.

So, be. Be all that you are, tears included, and allow your truth to shine from the depth of your heart.


Nicola Lucie is a Shamanic Practitioner and Shadow Integration Coach, on a mission to help women change the world from the inside out through the potent magic of shadow work. She does this through Shadow Walking, of which she is the founder and creator, supporting women to get out their psychic shovels and dig deep into the darkness of their shadow realms to dissolve negative, unconscious patterns and shatter the illusion of their fear-based realities. Her unique Maiden, Mother, Crone workshop empowers the Feminine through shadow integration work, and the Shadow Walking 1:1 process takes women on a journey to the very depth of their shadow, soul and psyche so they may radically transform their lives. Her first book, Shadow Walking: Empowering the Spirit, Liberating the Soul Through Shadow Integration Work, is due to be released by the end of 2018. You could contact Nicola via her website.


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