archives, you & me

You Can Stop Handing Your Power over to Someone Else.

{Photo credit: Amanda Clare and Rashida Khan Bey Miller }

There are so many ways I’ve handed my power over to someone else over the years.

Saying Yes when I meant No.

Saying Maybe when I meant No.

Saying I’ll let you know when I meant No.

Saying Let me think about it when I meant No.

Writing a polite response back to someone I had absolutely zero desire to connect with, because they initiated contact.

Giving someone my phone number whom I knew damn well I was not ever going to call, because they asked.

Not standing up for myself, because I was exhausted or wanted to avoid conflict.

Dating someone because they had money.

Dating someone because they had drugs.

Having sex with someone I wasn’t attracted to or didn’t respect.

Having sex high AF, because I couldn’t stomach being that vulnerable.

Having sex with men when I really wanted to be with women.

Listening to someone go on and on for 45 minutes because I didn’t want to interrupt or be rude.

Taking that last piece of pie even though I wasn’t hungry, because it might be the last time I would ever be offered pie, ever.

Drinking when I didn’t want to, because of social pressure.

Grabbing hastily at whatever was offered to me although I neither wanted nor needed it.

Staying at that party much later than I felt like it, because I didn’t want to be alone.

Taking an opportunity I didn’t ultimately desire, because I was afraid I’d never get what I really wanted.

Staying in my relationship months — even years — longer than I should have, because I didn’t know if I could be alone again or do any better.

Because of my fear, desperation, deprivation, self-denial, putting other people’s needs before my own, lack of self-love, lack of trust, and poverty mentality.

It’s been said that people raised on survival behave differently from people raised on love.

We now have neurobiological evidence of this.

In other words, it’s not your fault.

For people raised in a vicious cycle of intergenerational poverty and trauma, the limbic system is constantly transmitting fear signals and stress hormones to the prefrontal cortex, which overloads its ability to solve problems and complete tasks efficiently. At the same time, the sympathetic nervous system stimulates the adrenal glands which flood the body with a fight-or-flight response.

This often leads to poor decision-making and a near-desperate search for short-term relief. There isn’t much bandwidth for saving money, visioning for the future, etc. when one’s internal resources are being hijacked by cortisol and adrenaline. All of this reinforces the cycle of poverty and hopelessness.

I am living proof, however, that it is 100% possible to rewire the brain and reprogram the nervous system.

If you want a different kind of life than feeling trapped, powerless and/or a victim of circumstance, there are ways to transmute your biology. To shift the narrative. To reclaim your power.

How do I know? Because I did it.

I traveled down those windy, seemingly endless paths into the depths of cellular memory, to excavate the imprints of ancestors who couldn’t fathom a world like the one we are living in today.

They gave me a map.

And secrets to share.


Nikki Coffelt, PhD, is a two-spirited inspiratrix, savage soul and visionary artist. She loves experiential learning and offers both group classes and one-on-one consultation for rebels, empaths, activists and healers. Nikki is based in San Francisco and currently traveling the world to offer live immersive art exhibitions to a diverse global audience. Nikki is passionate about inspiring personal and collective empowerment, illuminating the dark and transmuting primordial suffering into life-sustaining, creative fuel. To acquire an original painting and/or buy tickets for her next show, please visit her websiteYou could also enroll in her next Conscious Savagery interactive e-course.


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Rebelle Society
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