archives, you & me

Letting Go Isn’t as Simple as They Make It out to Be.


There is a Zen proverb that reads “Let go or be dragged.” I can attest to the fact that I have been dragged.

I’ve been dragged for miles only to have the rope ripped from my steady grip. Bloodied knees and bruised body… why did being dragged feel so much more comforting than this feeling of complete isolation? Where is the comfort of my rope, my newfound security blanket?

When we have been kicked down by life, or by a situation,  it can start to feel better just to hang on as we get tossed around by the very force screaming at us to just release. Somehow the comfort of the anguish starts to feel so much better than if we were to free ourselves and start healing.

Maybe for you it is a story you have carried about yourself that it is time to let go of. Perhaps some scathing remarks made upon you have become a source of comfort over the idea that you might actually be quite perfect. Or perhaps it is another person it is time to set free? Maybe you held on to someone or a story about someone for far too long and life has literally ripped the rope out of your blistered grip.

Maybe letting go for you involves releasing the grip of how you thought things were supposed to be or supposed to end up? Or maybe it involves something else entirely. Either way, letting go isn’t quite as simple as they make it out to be.

I tend to think that perhaps maybe it isn’t so much about the release itself, as it is about our questioning in how to release. We hear it all the time —  just let go — but if it were that simple, wouldn’t more people be doing just that? I’d be hard pressed to know if anyone has the precise formula for this because so far what I have learned is that it is not that simple.

It sounds like it, in theory. Two very small words placed closely together… but yet, such big impact.

What I have come to find is that letting go is a process. Some days perhaps we have loosened the grip enough to let the thing breathe… maybe we are met with feelings of elation or sadness. Perhaps anxiety and anger boil to the surface. No one day or one moment will be exactly like the next because with every passing breath you are changing. You are growing and you are evolving.

With every moment that you are able to be with the discomfort in your process, you are cultivating a healthier you.

I know we don’t always want to face the feelings that come. Sometimes they downright suck, but can I tell you a secret? You get to be human through it. You get to feel your feelings and cry and be mad. You get to be imperfect with it and messy with it and free with it. You get to fall down, bloody knees and all, and you get to stand up, fully healed and whole. And if you need to, you get to do it all again, and again.

No, I don’t think that letting go is quite as Zen as these gurus make it out to be. I think it is healing, and if I know anything about healing, it’s that it is messy. You get to be a messy, spiritual, human being, perfect and imperfect, healed and healing, a complete mess and a beautiful work in progress all at the same time.

And if you’re lucky, you get to be in your process. You get to grow, learn, change, evolve, and become a different version of yourself.

And guess what else? Eventually you find that you also get to let go.


Natalie Sophia considers herself a blend of many things, but mostly she identifies as a writer, intuitive guide, mama and yogini. She has a Masters Degree in Complementary and Alternative Medicine, and her passion lies in helping others heal from various forms of trauma. Her current methods of practice include a blend of creative expression, movement alchemy, energy work and nutritional guidance. She serves as a coach to assist others on their paths back to the perfection of their imperfection, so as to remember the brilliance contained therein. To contact her directly, please visit her on Facebook.


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