you & me

4 Steps to Train Your Brain When You Sabotage Yourself.


Every time I have a goal and I’m reaching it, self-sabotage happens. I explain self-sabotage as my brain trying to keep me safe.

The brain works on past experience, it knows what safe feels like. It is here to keep us alive, among other things.

Memories have left either a positive experience or a not-so-good experience (perhaps pain-related) in our bodies. The brain then interprets this and makes a resolution to not experience the not-so-good experiences in life again. Better avoid those painful things, right?

Back to your life.

Growing into new territory, hitting those goals, is scary. It takes you out of your comfort zone.

The brain hits all the panic buttons, thinking This isn’t safe (it is, in reality, but the brain can’t tell that).

There goes the self-sabotage.

Procrastination on a super easy task, injuring yourself when you have to show up, starting things and never finishing them — do any of these sound familiar?

Are you nodding your head?

Self-sabotage is setting yourself up to fail in every way.

The growth that you are seeking is scary, growth is new, it’s doing something towards who you want to be and where you want to go.

The self-sabotage is keeping you safe, safe in the way the brain knows it is safe, from past experience, yet growth is entirely new, therefore the brain will never see it as safe.

The big question then is:

How do you overcome self-sabotage?

Here’s my four-step process for not allowing my beautiful brain to keep me from where I want to go;

I notice when it’s happening: Is that the procrastination again? Or that broken toe, is it because I knew doing that event was going to be a huge event in my life? “I see you self-sabotage,” I say out loud to myself.

I laugh at how it’s happening againI then start to laugh at the situation, “You silly bugger, I caught you again.” Laughing is therapy, FYI. No use to start to self-hate right now, see how funny it is that you are doing this again to yourself.

I tell myself that I am over thisYep. Done. Finito. Goodbye. I no longer want to be this woman who does this silly sabotage to herself. I make a new non-negotiable in my life. I am no longer available for this behavior.

I tell myself that I am safeRemember that the brain is hitting all the panic buttons thinking this new growth isn’t safe? I’ve got to convince my brain that it is safe, that I am okay. That she doesn’t need to, and that this doesn’t need to happen to keep you safe because you are safe. I’ve got to train my brain.

Keep repeating the above steps again and again until your sabotage isn’t there anymore. The brain is a beautiful trickster, and I make sure to tell her that I love her deeply and appreciate that she is looking out for me.

Laughing at yourself yet?

‘Cause it is damn funny when you recognize it!

Here’s to your new growth.

Tell me: What are your self-sabotage behaviors?

Good thing you know how to deal with them now, right?


Nora Wendel is one of the leading worldwide experts teaching feminine magnetism, self-worth and self-confidence to women worldwide. Trained in NLP, transformational leadership, authentic relating and feminine embodiment practices, she inspires millions of women to become confident, sexy and wildly free. Her gypsy upbringing in Nepal and India cultivated in her a deep desire to inspire people to live extraordinary lives filled with intimacy, joy and passion. She lives and loves in Bali, running her online coaching empire as well as hosting worldwide workshops and retreats. Find out more about her via her website or follow her inspiring posts on Instagram.


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