We Are Contented with Little, but the World Tells Us We Need More.
Being unusually intense, sensitive and perceptive does not lay an easy path.
Before we can embrace ourselves fully, there are many detours, where we kick around, denying, resenting and resisting our truths.
We came into the world wild and innocent, with an open heart and extraordinary sensitivity. And yet, we have learned to reject our uncommonness. From where did we learn this? From the outside world.
Little humans are particularly vulnerable to the influence of others. If we were told again and again that we were not alright, it soon becomes the story we tell ourselves.
In many spoken and unspoken ways, we are instructed to become normal, to fit in, to not cause a scene, to not make those around us uneasy. And being the gifted chameleons that we are, we very quickly learn to do just that.
Like good little soldiers, we embark on this path of perfecting a false self.
We work hard to design a life according to the shoulds, handed down by our parents, relatives, traditional wisdom, peers and cultural confines.
We diligently gather titles and possessions, get into certain industries, couple with a particular kind of people. As we pour in time and energy, our persona rewards us with worldly power. The irony is, we soon become trapped in the facade. Inside this empty shell, we are left with a feeble, fickle, false belongingness.
After all, how could we feel truly belonged if all that has fitted in was a made-up version of ourselves?
The good news is, our true self is never completely buried. Often it tries to wake us up with physical and psychic pain: a broken relationship, the loss of enthusiasm about life, the everyday void, the emotional emptiness.
There are also times where it speaks to us in the language of joy and ecstasy, though we might not recognize them anymore.
You see, most of us have been bullied by cultural myths that tell us what happiness and success are.
Our wild hearts are contented with little — nature, the arts and simple pleasures — but the world tells us we need more. So we drive ourselves into the city, climb a big ladder, pile on commitments.
Perhaps we long for solitude and freedom, but the world’s demands have us feel guilty for wanting time and space or feel ashamed for saying No to the parties and the crowds.
Maybe we have always been acutely aware, spiritually attuned, and see things that others don’t, yet the wary gaze from others has us cover our third eye to avoid the stigma of madness.
Could it be that we are happy on our own, and yet our friends’ and families’ uninvited concerns, passing comments and judgments make us believe that having a conventional, heterosexual, monogamous romantic partner is a prerequisite to being alright?
Our naturally open heart has always been soft and tender, yet we have carried so many of our protective parents’ worries that we now think if we don’t toughen up and freeze up, the world will eat us up.
What if our wild souls have always been free and open, but we have been indoctrinated with the belief that the world is a dangerous place?
Having forgotten our truths, we now believe that we are these strange, sick and lonely creatures.
We no longer do what brings us joy and nourish our inner beings.
You have made enough effort down that path of false belonging now. If that is no longer working for you, if your soul is aching to break through, it might be time now.
The trouble is, we think we have time. The truth is, there is an existential urgency for us to become fully alive, with the finite time we have.
Go inside. Listen again.
Your true self is waiting for you.
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Imi Lo is a consultant for emotionally intense and highly sensitive people. She is the author of Emotional Sensitivity and Intensity, available in multiple languages, and The Gift of Intensity (2021). Imi focuses on working with emotional intensity, high sensitivity, and giftedness. She has trained in mental health, psychotherapy, art therapy, philosophical counselling, and mindfulness-based modalities. As a coach, she works holistically, combining Eastern and Western philosophies with psychological and spiritual healing modalities such as Buddhism. Imi’s credentials include a Master in Mental Health, Graduate Diploma in Psychology, Bachelor of Social Science in Social Work, Certificate in Logic-based Therapy, and an Advanced Diploma in Contemporary Psychotherapy. She has been consulted by and appeared in publications such as The Psychologies Magazine, The Telegraph, Marie Claire, and The Daily Mail. Imi is the founder of Eggshell Therapy and Coaching, working with intense people from around the world.
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