Eating Life Series: Invisible Eating Disorders.
~ Photo from: culturerebel.com ~
She had a secret that we never ever talked about.
We were in college. She had just returned from having dinner with her boyfriend and I didn’t know it was her. She didn’t know I was there. I was lurking around our dorm’s inconspicuous single first floor bathroom waiting for my turn. There was a small study room around the corner. I seemed to be the only one who used it and was a little surprised that the toilet was occupied.
I needed a stretch so I patiently paced back and forth doing what would look like odd things to my legs and arms in front of the locked door. I could hear the faucet water running. Somewhat typical. I then heard gagging, coughing and a splash hit the toilet water — again and then again. Typical? Then a few moments of silence.
The toilet flush made me jump and I froze. What did I actually just hear?
I tiptoed quickly back to my quaint study area and left the door open just enough to see who that small room would disclose.
It was my friend. She didn’t see me as I watched her walk away from where I was, toothbrush and toothpaste in hand. I wanted to ask her if she was okay, if she had eaten something that made her feel bad, but instead, I watched her until she disappeared into the far end corridor.
I had discovered her secret.
After several more sporadic yet inconsistent recurrences in our secret space, I found a new place to study. I never said anything to her or to anyone else. I cannot say why, but at the time, I knew I didn’t want to make her feel bad or label her something she was not or did not have.
Plus, she looked so healthy. She wasn’t too thin. She chose and ate healthy foods, barely consumed alcohol and exercised moderately.
She was my friend and I cared about her so much — so much that it severed my vocal chords.
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Anorexia and obesity — they’re more extreme, visible, right?
But what about disorders/behaviors that aren’t so obvious to the naked eye, such as occasional purging and weekend binge-eating? And, what if they aren’t medically declared, per say, extreme or worrisome as other eating disorders? Because the weight is low, but not too low, the frequency is consistent, but not all-the-time or because the individual looks seemingly healthy, has confidence, has a career, children, a sense of humor, etc, etc, etc…
How (and why) do we differentiate between the occasional over-eating stint, the short-term starvation diet or that once-a-week purge to something that is actually a prescribed disorder? Where is the line and how does it impact the potential for care and healing?
It seems to me that the extreme and diagnosed cases get a little more attention and perhaps offered a little more care from the system (I’m not saying ‘the little more’ is significant as I can see from the research I’ve done, a lot individuals with even the most extreme cases are discriminated upon by insurance companies and the hoops to jump through can be ridiculous and cumbersome — but we’ll save this for another article).
I also believe that in some cases it is safe to presume that the more extreme situations sometimes do require a certain level of care so the increased attention could be absolutely warranted.
But what I have found and believe is that the in-between stories seem to be cared for and shared less frequently.
I’ve read that nearly 60% of Americans suffer from an eating disorder that isn’t an extreme case of anorexia or bulimia (in addition, 10-15% have a serious/clinical eating disorder). I’ve also found that one in five women have an undiagnosed eating disorder who do not look too thin or too over-weight.
Why is this?
It could be in our DNA.
It could be because so many of us don’t really know what normal is. It could be because we’ve been raised on certain diets, fads and trends, influenced by family and friends — all of which have become a common practice, even if the practice is unhealthy.
It could be that it’s even sort of, dare I say normal, trendy, in fashion, to be on some sort of quirky diet that provides us with something to obsess over, to discuss with colleagues or to gossip about with neighbors.
It could also be that we’ve deemed ourselves unworthy of receiving help or of healing, not important enough or our situation not being extreme enough to be cared for. It could also be that we carry too much shame or guilt, a lack of belief in ourselves, to not seek our internal healer or to ask for any kind of help.
It could be many things.
~ Quote: Thomas Edison ~
It could also be that we’ve just lost touch with the wisdom of our bodies.
It has become common practice in today’s Western society to live a somewhat unhealthy lifestyle and/or to just accept the way things are as the best-they-can-be. We’ve also made it a habit to obsess over and crave unhealthy food (examples: billboard and magazine ads, television and radio commercials) and at the same time hold an unworthy, distorted belief of our bodies that continuously justifies our perpetual self-medicating behavior with food.
High fructose corn syrup and fast food promises happiness, love and friendship, right? The marketing and commercialization of unhealthy foods has become psychological and a play on our most vulnerable emotions (again, let’s save this topic for another day).
~ Image: please visit, Who Cares Trust: www.thewhocarestrust.org.uk ~
I say this all with the deepest compassion as I’ve been there. I am there.
Whether our behavior is diagnosed (or undiagnosed) as a disorder, an addiction, psychological, physiological, inherited, cultural, social and/or a frequent or infrequent method of self-medicating, all signs lead to a similar place: a potential for awareness, sensitivity, honesty and deep healing.
The journey of healing can be instigated through internal investigation and/or through the assistance of an external doctor, therapist or certified professional — or a life coach, yoga/meditation teacher, reiki master, shaman, or any other healer.
(There are options outside of your healthcare plan — there are people who want to help you.)
But healing isn’t easy — because of cultural norms, the request for monetary investing, media influences, education, product-brand advertising and positioning, insurance plans, parities and requirements, system regimes and schemes, distractions, beliefs and disbelief, our internal in-look and out-look, etc, etc, etc.
However, a fact of this matter is, the healing process is up to the individual, but it is also a collective effort and all perceived levels of healing required are important.
~ Quote: David Wolfe, Eating for Beauty ~
An inner contemplation…
Think about this — the more we bring our everyday issues to the forefront, chances are we’re going to discover that we are not alone. Perhaps, within the company of many, we can start to awaken a positive change for all, but we must become willing to find the courage, perspective and trust to turn the page from accepting what exists today to tapping into what our true potential is.
So, is the way you approach, eat and think about food, your body and self-image worth a deeper inquiry? In my opinion, the quality of your life depends on it.
I took these questions from a surveyed panel of women and men ages 22-40 who claim not to have an extreme eating disorder but an eating dysfunction… here are questions they’d offer for those who feel they are in a similar situation and offered for a deeper inner inquiry and contemplation:
– Are you using food/restricting to manage or numb feelings/emotions
– Said in another way, do you turn to or away from food in times of stress, depression or anger
– Are you defensive about how, when and what you eat
– Do you hide how, when and what you eat
– Do you obsess over your next meal
– Do you incessantly think about food
– Do you ever feel that no matter what, your appetite is insatiable
– Do you become uncomfortable when lunch or dinner plans have been changed
– Do you become anxious, nervous or confrontational when it’s meal time
– Do you consider yourself addicted to any types of unhealthy food
– Do you reward yourself when eating healthily with something unhealthy
– Do you weigh yourself daily and does that number make you cringe
If you said yes to any of these above, you are not alone. There’s nearly an entire nation standing beside you.
“It’s no coincidence that four of the six letters of ‘health’ is ‘heal.” – Ed Northstrum
Behavior that has become the norm, a place between extremes, needs to be questioned.
As a matter of fact, it should be questioned more often than not.
We are highly sensitive and impressionable creatures of habit. Without truly realizing the depth of our actions, we could be creating hell on earth simply because we’re following the flock, living within the mindset that… just because everyone else is doing it makes it acceptable and okay.
On top of that — many of us also long for our system to place us within a category.
Just because science, the association of psychology, the government or the medical profession hasn’t drawn a clear line or definition of all the uncategorized eating disorders, it doesn’t mean that any one of us aren’t worthy of healing.
It also does not mean that you can’t get help — it may just not be from the conventional entities mentioned above.
When a majority of us are on some kind of diet and are living such restrictive, unhealthy habits, it can become the norm and more difficult to recognize or perceive in someone else, let alone ourselves, limiting our ability to heal, to tap into the intelligence of our bodies but easier to be manipulated by commercialized fads, stereotypes and misconceptions.
~ Quote: Mahatma Gandhi ~
Let’s re-write our legislation.
How do we define what is normal when we are all so different and have different needs?
A collective effort of a healing, no matter the circumstance or how small, is a tapping into our inner wisdom and a potential for an elevation for all. Together, let’s raise the bar on transforming what is standard to what is deeply nourishing for ourselves, thus for everyone around us.
We don’t need to wait for the systems that perceptively run society to define us or place us in boxes — there are other ways and resources outside of limiting regimes — and all signs point to: inquire within.
Let’s gently remind ourselves that all life is sacred — and, perhaps extremities determine a level of help and amount of healing to be explored, but we are all individual — as are our needs, experience and what it takes to recover.
No crisis is too small to consider giving it more awareness and questioning its existence…
Let all us learn to be kind to ourselves first and foremost, please.
In my opinion, it is our individual and collective responsibility and greatest potential to invite awareness to all degrees of need and to deem them all as all-important versus putting a sole focus and limited resource assistance on just the extremities, and we must start to talk about and question what is. We deserve better. You deserve better.
This discussion is complex. It’s difficult to include all facets in just one article, but let the conversation begin and continue here. Please, share your experience, recommendations and insights in the comments.
*****
Read more from the Eating Life Series:
I just don’t want to be fat {sad} anymore (part I).
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{Let’s start talking about _____.}
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