What kind of Yoga teacher are you?
{Photo via pinterest}
By Eileen Lorraine.
“What kind of Yoga teacher are you?”
That was the half-joking question posed to me by the headache specialist, when reviewing my lifestyle habits, in an effort to get my migraines under control.
Him: How much water do you drink?
Me: Not enough, I’m always dehydrated. I love taking baths though.
Him: How often do you drink alcohol?
Me: Four or five nights a week, maybe? Two glasses of wine, maybe three if I’m out. But it always gives me a headache, so I’ve started drinking tequila! But man, I do love my wine.
Him: And do you eat breakfast every morning?
Me: Not really. I like to have my coffee on an empty stomach. So I usually don’t eat anything until… eleven o’clock-ish.
Him: Have you ever experienced head trauma?
Me: Depends. Does my ex-boyfriend count?
Him: And your stress level? Do you experience a lot of stress?
Me: You’re cute, doc.
And so it went… but the question lingers long after the visit. What kind of Yoga teacher am I? I prefer vino over H20. I still can’t do a headstand away from the wall. I struggle with Sanskrit. I have anxiety and like to be in control. I’m impatient. I love leather shoes and handbags.
And fuck, I love the word ‘fuck’. But I also really, really love the practice of Yoga. So, what kind of Yoga teacher does that make me?
In the office, I prefer to isolate myself in my cubicle and engage as little as possible with co-workers. Casual water-cooler talk about what one made for dinner last night, or the sheets found on sale at Walmart, makes me cringe. Seethe, even.
A co-worker I’m close to recently gave me a magnet that reads “I work well with others as long as they leave me the fuck alone”.
I couldn’t have said it better myself. My emails are short and direct, and I force myself to use unnecessary ‘!’ marks or ;o) in them just so I don’t come across as the dreaded B-word in writing.
My daughter giggles whenever she hears me teaching and speaking what she calls Yoganese (noun: flowery language used by those who instruct Yoga classes, often sprinkled with words like surrender or heart’s intention delivered in a soft, breathy everything-in-the-world-is-exactly-as-it-is-meant-to-be voice).
But, let’s be honest, that is not how I speak when I’m getting after her to do the dishes or when I’m throwing tantrums in my head about how everything is not exactly as I want it to be right this instant!
85% of what I eat is really healthy, really green, often raw, and seldom has parents. However, wine and a bar of chocolate seem completely appropriate for dinner some evenings. Last night my dinner comprised of a fresh spinach salad, Lay’s potato chips, and chardonnay — and it was perfect.
I love (mostly) everyone and see beauty in (mostly) everything. In fact, I love so much that sometimes it feels like my heart literally can’t contain it, and I even track how frequently I let the word come out of my mouth — so not to dilute its value.
Equally, I love to be told I’m loved. I crave it, delight in it, feed my little ‘e’ ego with it! And yet, I can also be judgmental and a bit of a snob.
I’ve had, and will continue to have, moments of self-righteousness; only to later learn and see that I could have handled those moments with more understanding and grace.
I mostly choose to live from a place of love rather than fear, choosing to see the positive rather than the negative in every situation. And yet, my entire life there have been dark nights when fear takes hold, and deep, profound sadness takes over.
The kind of sadness that has me in a fetal position, wailing, and unsure I’ll make it through the night. But I do, and I start again the next morning, choosing to love harder, be happier, and drink a bigger, greener smoothie than the day before.
No matter how far I drift, I always come back to my mat and my Yoga practice. No matter how much I prefer to isolate myself at work, I make it a point to give gratitude to those that help me do my job well every day.
I am quick to give smiles and backrubs, share my migraine medicine, and make an inappropriate joke to lighten a challenging work situation. My daughter knows she can always crawl into my bed, and that I will hold her, scratch her back, and try to make everything alright — even when it’s so far from it.
No matter how many times my heart goes bankrupt, I never close it down for business. I will return over and over, knocking on love’s door, waiting for it to open and invite me in — just like the Mormons.
Every day, I fill my giant plastic cup with water, with the best intention to drink three of them. No matter how many times I fall and bruise my back, I know headstand will be my little bitch one day.
I keep adding to my Sanskrit knowledge one asana at a time — even though I think using it when teaching is an unnecessary distraction for the student, but that’s another tangent. I continually work towards letting go of controlling things I cannot, and allowing everything to occur in its own time.
I passed up buying these beautiful leather boots that were 60% off last weekend, and I promised my mother I’d swear less (after this essay, I promise, Mom).
So what kind of Yoga teacher am I? A very human one.
*****
Eileen Lorraine is a certified RYT200 Vinyasa Yoga teacher and activist, who began her life-long love affair with Yoga at the age of 17. Studying with teacher and mentor, Jack England, she learned self-confidence and self-regulation through asana and pranayama. She went on to teach Yoga for Club Med, and spent many years teaching the practice throughout Florida’s east coast, before relocating to Las Vegas in 2001 for new opportunities off of the mat. Eileen has since merged her two careers into one, having one foot in the corporate world where she serves as Executive Assistant, and one on the mat teaching Yoga for private clients, corporate health initiatives, and community outreach Yoga classes. Blending her passion for the science and practice of Yoga and her aptitude for supporting senior level executives, Eileen offers insightful and practical application of Yoga postures, breath work and mediation. Just Breathe is specifically created to address the hectic and demanding life of the EA, guiding the practitioner into a new way of operating above the chaos and from a place of grace and calm. Eileen teaches from the heart, offering light-hearted, nurturing, socially conscious, and authentic experiences for each one of her students. She can be found on her website and on Twitter.
{Bring back the human.}
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