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Chasing Demons.

 

{Photo: pinterest.com}

{Photo: pinterest.com}

I spent last night chasing demons,

I tossed and turned and felt them leaving.

I felt them struggling to stay,

pushing, pulling, resting, teasing, back-pedaling…

across my tender paths and making my chakras raw.

I felt better and worse, hot and cold, sad and perplexed,

I knew that change was taking place,

and I was lighter, bigger, smaller,

happier and forlorn.

This second-guessing, whispering, nagging echo saying

make peace with yourself,

it needs to be…

Do it now without reservation,

freely surrender,

let it go, without squirreling, secrecy, shushing.

I feel too fat, too thin, too eager, too withdrawn

I don’t know who I am today
I knew who I was yesterday…

I am shifting into green, jasmine, and sage,

I was stuck in crimson red, and smoldering flames,

the color of my soul stymies me.

I once knew the music,

the mood-altering melodies,

I once spewed chants and righteous intentions,

recited phrases that lofted images in and around my head.

I repeated new teachings and adopted paths of change.

I followed the advice given to me by self-help gurus

I passed those cookie-cutter remedies around

to other needy people in trendy bars on Main Street USA.

But the fixes are now the problem and I am left… bereft

these damned demons take up so much space.

I keep closing windows and opening doors.

I want to grow without disruption, but

the easy way is no longer an option.

It is time to discard the safety of my old shell,

and look for a new one in the mire,

I thought I was finished with molding myself,

but I just found out my clay is too wet to fire…

*****

 

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Deirita Butler

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