Chasing Demons.
I spent last night chasing demons,
I tossed and turned and felt them leaving.
I felt them struggling to stay,
pushing, pulling, resting, teasing, back-pedaling…
across my tender paths and making my chakras raw.
I felt better and worse, hot and cold, sad and perplexed,
I knew that change was taking place,
and I was lighter, bigger, smaller,
happier and forlorn.
This second-guessing, whispering, nagging echo saying
make peace with yourself,
it needs to be…
Do it now without reservation,
freely surrender,
let it go, without squirreling, secrecy, shushing.
I feel too fat, too thin, too eager, too withdrawn
I don’t know who I am today
I knew who I was yesterday…
I am shifting into green, jasmine, and sage,
I was stuck in crimson red, and smoldering flames,
the color of my soul stymies me.
I once knew the music,
the mood-altering melodies,
I once spewed chants and righteous intentions,
recited phrases that lofted images in and around my head.
I repeated new teachings and adopted paths of change.
I followed the advice given to me by self-help gurus
I passed those cookie-cutter remedies around
to other needy people in trendy bars on Main Street USA.
But the fixes are now the problem and I am left… bereft
these damned demons take up so much space.
I keep closing windows and opening doors.
I want to grow without disruption, but
the easy way is no longer an option.
It is time to discard the safety of my old shell,
and look for a new one in the mire,
I thought I was finished with molding myself,
but I just found out my clay is too wet to fire…
*****