When i lost my words last night. {poetry}
By Nicole Muse.
when i lost my words last night, i was just entranced by
the soft silhouette
of your dark hair, the gentle on the backdrop of flames.
my body tucked under your right side, as usual.
your eyes two decades hence,
at once, my protectors and lovers
and i glow with comfort
and satisfaction.
“I love you,” you said.
but all i found was hesitation.
what do I say?
i love you like last Tuesday
(not like there was anything going on)
but in the white-space of that kind of ordinary
you have become my definition of desire
and so i observe you,
in this sacred that we have created,
to learn more.
to unlock the secret silent pictures
of this
particular
moment.
i want to say it, i
wanted to say it, i
even
opened my mouth to try, but
that smile, sneaking out through the edges,
wedged a doorstop under my tongue. a
battered wooden block stuck
right there underneath
the “I”
there is no way to share
just how much or what kind of i love you this is
when my soul is your fingertips
and i’m caught out here in this beautiful little
breath
of rich dark soil and eternity
how can i possibly say I love you now?
these are only words
and i am blowing in the hot metal sky shining
stretching up through the punctuated cerulean
between undulating waves of sunflowers,
billowing prairie grasses
echoes from side to side across the horizon, and back,
in crispy hysteresis and
scrolls of papyrus unwrapping from the deep dark blue
of straight above, messages that are too fast and too symbolic to catch
and so they slip through my porous grasp
like blazing meteors of wispy dandelions
as your warm hands caress my back
my face
letting me swim through them
at my own speed
you are the late summer high plains of my body
the heavy, active air of storms passed
and brightness reclaimed
but, even so,
there is no way I can love you right now!
in any way other than
the textures that are these, the singular ones,
the exact sunflowers in this particular field
dancing in an oven of gales
and splaying my hair isotropically
into lace
so i just smile silently
nestle my nose to your chest
and drink in the nourishment of
happy to be home
you don’t need my words anyway
because you are the other
sunflowers
*****
Nicole is half embedded in this physical reality, but mostly resides in a world of her subconscious creation, driven by lucid dreams that often cross the boundaries into daily life. Professionally, she teaches college students about data and positive living. Her addictions include tornadoes, fire poi, astrology, data mining, and conscious creation.
*****