The Hunger For Aliveness.
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Life’s magic is in the smoke and mirrors that will either lead you to the truth of your greatness or cause ripples of funhouse illusions that will whirl you in vicious cycles with no way out.
How do we know when we are really alive? Life plays a funny trick on us sometimes, making us believe that if we are breathing, eating, sleeping, using the bathroom, showering, combing our hair, having sex, running errands and getting ready for work, that we are actually living a life.
But this is not being alive. Where lies the full-bodied bouquet?
Getting the hang of being alive is no easy task. We place barriers between our needs and our desires, prepared with hands extended to spank our own asses for having a little taste of what we want. In creative living, we have been taught to believe that we are frivolous if we decide to follow a dream.
We live in a world where the word back-up plan is deemed acceptable vernacular for our untamable creative souls as if failure was something meant to only bring us feast of shame paired nicely with a bottle of our finest default life. What happened?
By this malnourishment, we learned early on to lock our deepest secret pleasures and desires away because we fear that if we touch them, they will burn us as we try to stay alive while breathing in plums of overwhelming smoke.
And we are right.
We are primed in the moment of acknowledging the dissatisfactory conditions to hit Self-destruct, leaving the unlivable life behind and going places where many never glimpse.
Our greatest desires act as wormholes to a new reality that, when we touch down upon the hallowed surface of a life we couldn’t have possibly imagined ourselves, cause us to combust instantly from the scintillation of it all, burning away the dead flesh of who we thought we were.
We begin the process of replenishing our life force through the removal of toxins that we have carried over from the previous life nested within our current life. We drain the hurts of our soul and begin to regenerate.
Our new skin is tender to the touch, and can feel the most subtle breath of air on our skin. We can taste the piquancy of our own rawness. We can smell the crispness of our evolution. We are fully exposed, hanging in the sky waxed full and ripe.
We are no longer hungry. Instead, we overflow with nourishment of the highest order.
There is a hunger in all women that absolutely must be sated, otherwise we end up eating our feelings. The hunger inside you is the desire to be your complete self. The physical mechanism you call by your given name is designed to sense holes of malnourishment so that it can refuel, stay alive.
What you may not have counted on was that the hunger you feel is much more than a function of the body. You crave being alive in a hotly exciting relationship with life itself.
Explore your hunger. Discover a life you can love that begs you to live it. Ravage it. Press it against a wall, kissing it passionately. Climax over the simplest pleasures until you are spent, sweaty, and ready to close your eyes.
Everything about us changes when we dive into the endlessness of our passions. The moment of decision is the moment we begin to actually feel. Feeling is the first sign of aliveness that leads us to unify the shining moments into a limitless continuum.
This is not ever available to us unless we lie down and open ourselves to our darkness. As the shadow aspect of you rises from your depths to whisper sweet nothings in your ear and errant dares in your mind, listen. The greatest realizations surface from our darkened, unvisited inner rooms.
One day, Lady Darkness will have a gift for you, as long as you entertain her in your boudoir and allow her to be your lady in waiting. In her you will find strength, grounding, creativity, death, connection, love, and awareness.
You will see that she had been the keeper of your dreams all along, fighting off demons that lurk in the light. The same light that you thought would free you was what kept you overheated and naïve, blinding you from your own multi-dimensional etheric mystery.
As we discover the magic in our mystery, we realize we have the power to breathe life into those around us who are shackled by unrealized dreams, like we once were.
We are the howl of the banshee, invoking power into the lives of those we hold dear, crumbling mountains of doubt, slaying the enemy, and cracking the dark skies open to see behind the curtain.
We have kept this knowledge from ourselves, for fear that we couldn’t handle its meteoric impact, but now we are all things that are, were, and ever shall be. We got this.
And as we transcend the mundane, we will not believe our eyes. We may look down and realize our own hands are still shackled from the ghosting effect of old, unrealized patterns that keep us from our own omnipotence.
Someone will have the keys to your kingdom, and will free you. That someone will be an aspect of your greatest self.
When this inevitable moment of need comes knocking, the quietest whisper will be heard amidst the loudest chaos by the one who knows your frequency. Passersby will ignore you, but the one who holds the key will unlock the gifts of your heart and wholeness.
And on that day, you both will walk unified through the threshold of what once was to where you belong.
*****
Anjana Love Dixon is a Spiritual Thought Leader, Interfaith Minister, Psychologist, and holds a doctorate in divinity. In 2012 Anjana launched The Anjana Network, the home base of her wisdom writings. It is from this place that she delivers deeply personal reflections of her journey to wholeness, inspires change, and provokes thought. Through sharing influential insights through interviews, articles, and her unique connection to the world, Anjana has become an internationally renowned wisdom writer and cited spiritual thought leader with contributions to major online publications including Rebelle Society, Elephant Journal, Match.com, and HuffPost Live. Anjana is a member of The Beautiful Writer’s Group with Danielle LaPorte and Linda Sivertsen and is currently preparing for the launch of her second book, Start in The Dark: Soul Work for Opening the Heart and Creating a (Real) Life.
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