Small Parts of my Body.
{Photo via Pinterest}
By Scarlet Jovin-Fisher
I fall apart at the idea that you do not love me.
My breath ceases; my mind is the lightning, not the thunder.
I say it’s okay, and small separate parts of my body feel that it is.
Why are tears streaming down my face?
Why does my heart feel so empty and so open?
I can control my breathing.
I can lift my head up.
I cannot direct my heart from what it loves.
I love you in some strange unidentifiable way.
I do not reach for your hand, yet I yearn for your touch.
I do not speak these words to your heart, yet I hope you speak to mine.
I cry when you treat me commonly.
I am destroyed by simple words.
Where is the light you save for your lovers only?
I want to run from this and you.
I want to hide myself for fear of having you stare at me and not move any closer.
There is a love I dream of, one I forget when we first met.
One I remembered when you had me fade into the background.
In the space that is created by your distance,
You bring me flowers from the garden.
I am told; I am told you are coming.
You bring me flowers from the garden.
You know my true name.
You feel at one with my heart.
I allow you.
I ask you.
I know you too.
You bring me flowers,
I water them with your love.
In the space of the heart I can feel you arrive.
I cannot read minds; I cannot play pretend with mine.
I see just the corner of a smile, praying to know what the rest of this feeling looks like.
With each in breath I hear the bells of my birth calling me.
I hear the notes of truth.
I feel the liquid in which I was created.
The liquid that now fills my frame, pushing from me all the pain of the raging father and the abandoning mother.
I am cleansed in the waters.
I have the fire of justice lighting my way, directing you to clear your name by bringing your disorder and shame to the light of day.
I do not fall down in this place, for it is not you that I am let down by.
In the space of the heart I know your name.
I feel your hand near mine.
In just a moment I will be a woman.
When you feel my hand, you will hear my heart.
I remember now what I am worth.
I remember now who I am.
*****
Scarlet Jovin-Fisher is the light in the darkness. She is an artist in every sense of the word, and a woman in more words than known to man. She is a Scorpio — transcending the stinging of her brothers and sisters into the loving flight of the eagle and the grace of the peace dove. She laughs in the places she used to cry. She dances on the floors she once swore she could not lift her body from. She is a life saved and hopes to save life in any way she can. She is grateful to all beings with every breath she takes.
#DelicateYetStrong
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