I Have A Secret… This Is It.
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I have a secret to tell you.
Like all secrets, it has something of value to reveal to us, and that is what makes it worth sharing.
Sit down. Unplug for a moment. Look around and then take a deep breath.
This is it.
And that’s it.
“This is it,” whispers truth from a voice inside of us, and at first it’s sad, this is it. Then it blooms, it expands and this is it becomes a thousand different truths wrapped up into one.
Image: Freeimages
1. This is it for my body, my physical vehicle and the form in which I will ride out this current life sentence.
What then keeps me wishing, working and indulging in warping thoughts to make it not so?
While this figure will shift and transform over time, in this moment, this is it. That future, idolized version, the perfect expression I’ve loathed; slender, with six-pack abs and a curve-free frame.
The prototype that I’ve sweated, starved, and sought relentlessly for, is only a reflection of the immense space between myself and my reality.
It means I look deeper than the mirror, allowing the reflection into the essence to take shape. I rely on now, tasting the experience of inhibiting this body, with the option of ease or disgust, gratitude or resistance, with strength or the endless repetition of not good enough.
My legs will always be sturdy, my stomach round, my toes colorful, my hair wild and my smile wide, can you feel, that there is reason, that this is so? That this is it?
Image: FreeImages
2. This is it, for connection, for my heart’s ultimate desire: love.
Today, there is no help coming, no prince waiting on his horse to rescue me from the existence of the ordinary, the savior, just one scene away from sweeping me off my feet and into the life that was meant to be.
It means exploring all the love that exists in reality, in the right now. The love that’s given freely, from multiple sources and people in my life, in small and generous ways, the love that I’m able to squeeze out towards my own self.
Then returning that love, as if this is the fairytale, smiling with the world, holding its hand and giving it a place to rest in my acceptance, creating the feeling that I desire to feel, the way I see the perfect love appearing when I imagine it from that quiet place that lurks just behind my eyelids.
It means whisking myself off my feet each day with humor, with kindness, with the words I write and the relationships I nurture. Driving my own chariot straight towards the sunset, riding my worth in any situation regardless of external triggers, feedback or opinions.
Image: FreeImages
3. This is it for my impact, my legacy, and my story.
I think often about the mark I’ll leave on the world and the heights I’ll soar to, but where I stand today, on this ledge or in this valley, this is it.
It means gratitude for each student that shows up, instead of wishing they would multiply for the ego’s own gratification. Appreciation for a simple thumbs-up, high-five or head nod along the way, and also for all the times my hand was in the air with no one to bounce it off.
There is nowhere to go, no larger stage to wait for, this is it, now, even when all that longs to be expressed cascades out into an empty room.
Perhaps the lesson, the teaching, was always meant for my own understanding, I’m the student that needed to be reached, pierced and awakened.
Image: FreeImages
4. This is it for the state and temperament of the wavering, thinking mind.
The anxiety, the gnawing fear, the palpable, dark and messy resistance to being seen and being loved, is here to stay.
The cloud will always interrupt with its shadow, the shaky sensation of overwhelm, of not enough, of make it better, make it perfect, or at the very least, make it go away, is not a force to be reckoned with, but one to be accepted, one to be curious about, one to ride until it’s present becomes pure presence itself.
It means Stop. Stop chasing, doing, pushing and desperately seeking a way to improve, to find a way to break free of an emotion or an experience. To outsmart, outwit, out-drug the sensations of life, the duality of being alive, letting it be raw, real, vulnerable and exposed, just as it is.
What if all sources of light were, first and foremost, purveyors of darkness?
Image: Freeimages
5. This is it for the potential of this life, this go-around, this time up at bat.
The next big opportunity or connection does not lie behind the approaching door or lurking in some future moments of glory, all that presents itself today, this is it.
It means taking my finger off the Refresh button waiting for the next phase, the coming-soon measure of status from an email, a tweet or the like.
It means opportunity, both the missed and the fear of missing, no longer becomes the chief officer, the driver, the motivator, the chooser of what to do, where to go.
It means just showing up as is, with the agenda to be. How do I begin to understand the equation without my meticulous, fear-driven, fantasy-derived calculations?
This is it. Whatever is there, whatever isn’t there, make up all the pieces of this puzzle, this life, this elegantly awkward dance with reality. And when the beat ends and the party stops, when all the cards are on the table, we’ll be glad we knew now, in this moment, that this, was it.
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Ali Van Putten‘s vision is to live in a world where all creative entrepreneurs are sharing their talents and shifting people’s perception of what’s possible with their ventures and finger-painting portraits. Createapreneur is the resource for starved creatives, ready to take the next step towards doing work they love and feeling useful to the world. When she’s not writing articles, leading a Yoga class or admiring others’ creative projects, you can find Ali balancing on her forearms or chasing down fresh coconuts. She also aims to inspire and create useless offerings for the Social Media Gods via Insta-obsession, Twit and The Book.
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