Lists of Gratitude Vs. Popping Pills.
{Photo via Pinterest}
By Mia Trigg
Apples, my Brother, my friend Carla and cacao.
Dogs, Earthworms in my garden and Foot rubs from my husband.
In my late teens, I started processing childhood traumas and frequently found myself in very despondent and other down-in-the dumps mental states. Comfort foods and other distractions only fixed me short-term, so the next fall was inevitable.
One day when I was in a particularly gloomy mood, wondering whether anyone would care if I was no more, a very concerned part inside me decided that I needed help.
The heavenly scent of Gum trees, Hair pins, my Ipod, Jasmine, Kale and Lemons.
So I went to see a shrink. She was very understanding and I experienced such a sense of relief to feel heard and taken seriously. She said I could phone her any time. And a few days later when I contemplated the point of my life again, I did. She strongly suggested I take antidepressants.
Just for a while, until I could sort things out. They would give me a break, she said.
Mangos and my MacBook, the findings of Neurobiology, Orcas and organic food.
Parrots, the Quiet of early morning and the sound of Rain.
Suddenly a clarity pierced my mental fog unlike anything I had ever experienced before. And without a doubt I knew that following this doctor’s advice would be deadly for me.
Given that my father was an alcoholic and I had already identified several areas in my life where I was in the trap of addictive behavior, I politely declined.
The Sun and my stepchildren, Tamarind and living Down Under. Non-Violent Communication and Water in all forms and shapes.
I understood that antidepressants might be life-saving for some people, and I knew at the same time that I was not one of them. And I also very strongly felt that I wanted to live a happy life. That was a life-changing moment.
My sufferings deep down in the pity-pot paled in the light of this new-found passion for life. Did that instantly take care of all my unresolved issues? No. Everything was still the same and yet, nothing was the same anymore. My focus had shifted.
Xylitol, my Yogini sisters and young coconut water, Ziploc bags.
I started to research natural antidepressants. The most powerful one I came across was the G word: gratitude. It was suggested that every morning and evening you thought of five things you were grateful for.
For me that didn’t make any difference in my depressed mood at all, I’d rattle off five words and no shift occurred. I had to take more drastic measures. I prescribed myself the hardcore version of it.
I committed to find something I was grateful for for each letter of the alphabet. It didn’t have to be anything big and extraordinary. In fact, everyday miracles such as being able to see, to walk and talk, would do just fine.
In the beginning I encountered some internal resistance. Partly, because feeling depressed means being in a state with little or no appreciation. Being disconnected from the mystery and abundance of life.
Partly, because of the other G word: guilt.
As a child, I was often told how ungrateful I was. How much better my life already was compared to my parents’ childhood, let alone the poor children in Africa.
So, I learned from scratch what it really means to have an attitude of gratitude. How to appreciate, without guilt, this gift of a fully functioning body, living in a peaceful country and all the other good fortunes I am enjoying.
At the same time, I learned to take seriously all kinds of injuries. Not just the ones that leave visible marks on my body. And tend to them, just as I would if I had a broken bone. A broken heart is not something to get over but something to allow to heal.
I started to embrace all parts of me, broken and whole, dark and light, inside and out.
Sometimes, of course, I still have foggy moments when I feel depressed. And now I know what to do. Popping a pill is certainly easier than coming up with 26 things to be grateful for. However, I guarantee you there are absolutely no side effects and it’s not just a quick fix, but a sustainable practice.
Up to a challenge? Share your gratitude ABC as a comment below.
*****
Mia Trigg is a wordsmith, artist and creator of beauty, who shines brightest when she dwells deepest. She finds peace on her Yoga mat and in nature. Her creative expression comes in many forms… inventing yummilicious vegan and raw recipes, poetry, painting, photography, decorating, etc. She has inspired many on their way of healing through various bodywork modalities and as a life coach. She has homeschooled her stepchildren, organized a birth fair, and as a doula, witnessed the coming into this world of several babies. She has lived for extended periods of time in five countries on three continents, currently residing Down Under. She is dedicated to embody the best available option of her, and moments when that’s simply not available she uses to practice deep compassion. Read more from her on her blog where you can subscribe to follow her.
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