happiness

More Than Happiness, We Need Kindness.

 

“More than cleverness, we need kindness and gentleness.” ~ Charlie Chaplin, The Great Dictator

I want to share a modified version of the above quote that I love: “More than happiness, we need kindness.”

The past five years, I’ve been reflecting on the meaning, cause and effect of happiness a lot. I’ve been checking in with myself every once in a while with the following two questions: Are you happy and at this point in your life? What would it take to make you happy?

The reason I’d do that is because, ipso facto, the ultimate goal of life in my world seemed to be ‘being happy’ and to maintain a constant state of happiness. Happiness was an endless insatiable pursuit.

I made unconventional choices (and some may label them as sacrifices or unwise decisions) to dive deep into the essence of this puzzling word.

I ended a healthy and stable relationship because I thought I was not happy. I left a high-potential job because I thought I was not happy. I tried to move to a new continent because I thought I was not happy.

Now, I have learned, felt, and gained clarity with a single conclusion: The Quest for Happiness — as an end in itself — is elusive, it is a hollow and self-fulfilling prophecy that the self-development industry is thriving on.

Why should happiness be a definitive end?

Happiness should be an effect when we are being our best and doing good for humanity and earth… when we are kind to others and ourselves, when we are grateful for all of earth’s beauty and calculated miracles, when we leave a positive impact somewhere and somehow.

Life is not about the pursuit of happiness; life is about giving and growing from within. Happiness is the effect of that journey.

I have realized that the more I give, the more I get out of my comfort zone by opening my heart, and opening my mind to new ideas, new perspectives, new possibilities, my outlook on life shifts to a point where the word Happiness becomes obsolete.

I arrived at this conclusion tonight after five years of reflection, as I walked along the shoreline of Barr Al Jissah shores in Muscat, Oman.

The first time I ever visited Oman, or tried to enter the borders of Oman, was over five years ago, with a dear friend and mentor, Peter.

Peter had moved recently to Dubai from Australia, tasked to lead the development of a major iconic real estate project consisting of multiple man-made islands. I was a junior strategy analyst in the same company, also a new joiner, fresh off the boat from LSE with no experience except a few internships under my belt, and a blown-up First Degree and Summa Cum Laude confidence. For whatever reason, he saw something in me, and self-assigned himself as my mentor.

Peter was in his 40s, a larger-than-life character, charismatic, and full of creative energy. He used to walk into a meeting room and uplift the entire room with his can-do attitude. In business, he liked to stay ahead of the game, so when our company committed to projects in Oman, he decided to drive down to Oman to understand the lay of the land. When he asked me to accompany him and his crew on a road trip over the weekend to Oman for a field research, I jumped on the opportunity.

We drove in his brand new BMW X5 from Dubai to Oman, only to be rejected at the Omani borders because of my Iranian passport. It was nonetheless a scintillating road trip. He introduced me to 80s Australian music, told me about his decade-long career as a real estate developer in Pacific Rim, about his Greek upbringing, about his children and family. He was a great, accomplished and witty father, businessman, leader, and above all, mentor.

Peter pushed me at work. I cried several times in his office. He just listened, and instead of giving me a napkin, he pushed me to self-correct and keep moving forward. Within a year, I made leaps in professional maturity. He helped plant the seeds for a sharper, organized and confident professional woman.

I’ve been so blessed to have kind people in my life. People who give their time, their guidance, their wealth, their networks, and above all, their energy. Some of these people are complete strangers who have appeared in my life and taken upon themselves, without my request, to be kind to me.

Peter was one of those people. I wish he were here in person so I could tell him this. He passed away over five years ago in September. Yet, here it is on this very day, his name lives on, and so does his unending impact on my life.

At the time, when Peter took me under his wings as my mentor, I didn’t know such a word existed, forget about the concept and the act of mentorship. And now that I do, I can’t wait to pay this forward, because the world needs more kindness, and not happiness.

I don’t know if it’s a coincidence that the equinox is around the corner, that I am in Oman, that Peter passed away in September.

What I do know definitively is that everyone needs a Peter in their lives, and you can be a Peter to someone.

So I am committing to give a little more… more time, more energy, more love, more hugs, more compliments, more referrals, more interviews… give a little more whenever I can.

I want to be kind, hold more hands, give a little more… and I am certain happiness will ensue.

“It happens all the time in heaven,
And some day

It will begin to happen
Again on earth —

That men and women who are married,
And men and men who are
Lovers,

And women and women
Who give each other
Light,

Often will get down on their knees

And while so tenderly
Holding their lover’s hand,

With tears in their eyes,
Will sincerely speak, saying,

My dear,
How can I be more loving to you;

How can I be more kind?” ~ Hafiz

***

Sara Mohammadi is a work in progress, learning to live light, travel light and be light. She is an Iranian based in Dubai, where she manages a non-profit for families. A grounded consultant with practical and material tendencies, Sara finds herself metamorphosing into a “to be determined” being, and in this process discovering a voice in writing. She is inspired every day by the words of Rumi and the infinite and unconditional love of her family.

***

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