Letting Go Of More Pain Than You Have To Gain.
{Photo via Tumblr}
Having your heart broken is a devastating experience.
At the time, the world as you know it is over. Getting out of bed seems impossible.
You screen your calls. You shut off all modes of communication. You wallow deeply and wholeheartedly. You burrow deep into the darkest pit of your being and make a home there. Once your eyes adjust to the darkness, it starts to become all you know.
You dread the idea of having to venture outside of your new-found comfort zone.
Sooner or later, life catches up to you. Your friends force you to get a grip. They coax you out of bed, only to shove you — fully clothed — into a shower of freezing cold water called dealing with reality.
And as the icy droplets cascade down your spine and trickle down your face, you are awakened. Baptized into the new you, where it seems almost impossible to understand why you let something so undeserving of your devastation to put your life on hold for even just the briefest of moments.
But when the person who breaks your heart is one of those friends, one to whom which you gave your unfettered trust and love wholly and completely, what then?
When the person who is supposed to pull you out from the funk and bring you back to life is the very same person who pushed you into the darkness, how do you put back the pieces of your shattered soul?
As we grow and change as humans, so do our relationships. I understand this, just as I understand that at the end of the day, we have to learn to be our own pillars of strength.
We need to learn to claw our way out from the jowls of hell of our own creation that we throw ourselves into of our own accord.
“Friends are the family you choose for yourself.”
Did I choose unwisely? Was I just kidding myself to believe you when you said we were honorary sisters?
“Lovers may come and go, but friends are forever.”
That is expected. But should it be?
Even if our friendships, however deep and profound we may perceive them to be, however much care, love, and nurturing we may have poured into them along the way, may not be the same as they once were in their glory days, it does not necessarily mean that the times shared in the past were for naught.
Regardless of how deep the hurt cuts into the core of your being, do not let the hurt overthrow the beauty that you once shared. The laughs, the tears, the quiet stillness, and the crazy ruckus you created together — they were all unmistakably real and will continue to be so for the rest of all time.
Yes, it is going to sting for a while.
Yes, you may need some time to lick your wounds.
But if you ever truly cared, never regret allowing yourself to open up the most vulnerable parts of you that only rare sprinklings of others are privileged enough to see.
Broken bones do eventually heal; this is an inevitable truth. They may never be the same as they once were in all of their original unmarked glory. But given the right cast and a regular dose of rehabilitation, they can become as strong, if not stronger, than they were before.
The scars on the heart of your friendship will build character, as long as you both take the proper care to stitch it up so that it will not perpetually unravel and eventually cause you to bleed out.
You are the only human that knows yourself better than anyone could possibly know in this physical world. Remember that you are only human.
Trying to make something work is honorable, but also know that it is okay to let go of something that causes you more pain than you have to gain.
You are the ultimate barometer of your own happiness.
It may go against every fiber of your being to take a step into a waterfall of freezing water on your own but you can do it. Be brave. Just scream and dive right in.
*****
Raised in Tokyo, Los Angeles, and Honolulu, Michelle Grondine earned her B.Sc. in Applied Economics at Ithaca College after briefly dabbling in Vocal Performance, singing classical music. A bout in law school was interrupted to spend the last 20 days her father’s life on this earth with him, peppered with some world travel for some spiritual healing, Michelle self-actualized her true catharsis in writing her emotions: Fear, love, loss, grief, sadness. An avid reader and soul searcher, Michelle hopes to channel her musings into ideas that can be shared with the world. In the meantime, she chronicles her life, musings, and daily exploits on her Instagram, whilst solving problems for a living at a large fashion company in LA, and collecting life experiences she can someday transform into her first published work.
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