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He Didn’t Deserve Your Loyalty.

 

{Photo via Tumblr}

{Photo via Tumblr}

“He didn’t deserve your loyalty… your friendship even.”

The comment rolled off her tongue as she reached across the table for the water carafe, and with unmistakable force, the words hit me like a truck.

Looking down, I nodded quietly… not affirming, but not at all defensive.

She’s said this before… and perhaps she thinks I didn’t listen the first time, or maybe it’s just worth repeating.

I hadn’t even brought it up, but I guess our closest friends can see beyond the warmth of our eyes to the dim lit corners of our souls.

And I hear it all.

I do.

But outside of all the people, who may or may not be deserving in my lifetime… it’s worth mentioning that if there was anything to which I’ll be forever, fiercely, ferociously loyal to… it’s my own honesty of emotion.

My own heart.

This heart that beats far beyond the confines of my chest, into a certain peace the surpasses my understanding… and try as I might, I can’t keep up with the pace or attempt to control the sway.

Running free throughout the day, howling at the moon when darkness falls…

A heart with powerful intentions, which I haven’t been able to articulate… at least not the way I want to… because there is a war of incredible poetry that wages in my gut between sharp intellect and wild emotion… and the debris of sentiment floating throughout the air, the well-meaning gun smoke of thought… finds this writer oftentimes… without words.

What a beautiful frustration.

To love far beyond reasons why.

To write songs of hope.

To sing of loss.

To feel it all… the rainbow of good, the spectrum of bad.

And never burying any of it, at least not while it remains so alive within me.

“So, do you still think about him?”

I smiled… of course I do.

“Yea, every now and then.”

My simple response was followed by a brief, yet notable, pause. An unspoken understanding.

And just as quickly as the conversation came about, it left. As if checking off an agenda item, we moved on… and we should.

Truth is, I can busy my mind, but I wouldn’t dare quiet my heart.

Prideful and persistent… stubborn and sure…. this wild, broken yet beating, heart has an absolute mind of its own…

My love is free, and in that vein I find peace of mind.

 

*****

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Rebelle Society

Rebelle Society

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