Unbreakable.
By Lisa Tolbert
Look at me, listen please.
I know what you see
and what you hear.
But I am telling you,
showing you now,
that you are not seeing
or hearing it all.
I’m a shining star,
filling up the sky
with my energy,
warmth and light.
I am a melody,
sweet and strong,
filling your head
with visions of joy.
I am all this and so much more
than any of you really know,
because underneath the glow and tune,
there is a dark and solemn gash.
A wound created long ago exists
in the core of this creature, strong.
You think I am unbreakable and pliant,
but the chasm of pain weakens my joints.
I keep the chasm covered with my love
for self and for life and for joy.
And I keep it hidden from view of those
who would run from it,
or choose to take advantage.
I know I am deep, complex and dark
on a level that most cannot comprehend.
But I know me, and I embrace this
as a big girl, full of experience and jaded.
It is this secret pain I carry
that fuels my need
to move, laugh, smile,
and catapult myself
through my world, my space, my life.
Keep moving to stay alive.
So tonight I look in the eyes
of the woman I know,
better than I know anyone or anything,
as her smiling face
sits beside my typing fingers
on the page I have created to express me.
And I see her for the queen she truly is.
I see the little girl need inside her big girl heart,
and I reach out to her
with my every single thing
to let her know that,
even when you don’t see her.
I do.
And I am here.
And we are going
to keep living,
laughing,
cartwheeling,
and breathing our way,
day by day,
through the tunnels
and over the bridges
of this thing we call our life,
and we will be together,
even when everyone else
has closed their eyes
to the reality of our complexity,
in favor of the single-sided shiny side
that everybody loves,
and everyone desires.
Knowing above all
that it is the dark corners
of the we that makes us
glow so viciously,
and the knowledge
of the tenuousness of joy
that propels us to embrace ourselves
and choose to live completely in contentment,
regardless of the shaking of our soul
and the burning of our tears.
We are here, and we remain as always,
unbreakable.
*****
Lisa Tolbert is a writer, painter, weightlifter, lover of life, and a seeker of truth. She tries to bring light to a dark corner when she sees it — by asking questions, holding hands, and smiling through tears with those who are hurting, including herself. Self-empowerment is the key to change. And her mission is to be fluid like a stream and bring change, sometimes gently, sometimes not so gently, to a fearful world.