Grieving, Honoring and Tenderly Loving the Brave, Aching Parts of Me.
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Looking back over my early childhood and first half of my life, I feel the pain and the sadness of those parts of me that were unable to function, unable to be happy, unable to do and create in life.
The ones who were in pain, who felt lonely, who felt abandoned, who did not know how to love, how to receive love and ultimately how to love themselves. The ones who held this for me so I could breathe and live.
At the time of their time they could not afford to grieve, to be weak, to allow love. Love was a dangerous thing. They could only clinch tightly and march forward with their stinging consignments.
The march has been long and weary. Exhaustion has arrived and they can hold it no more. And they kindly ask, “Are you ready?“ Yet, it is more of a deep plea and soft demand both at once.
I accept. So now I am doing the grieving for them, decompressing them, and lastly allowing them the space and acceptance of who they are and how they feel.
And mixed in with their grieving through me, I am also grieving for them and myself.
It is odd — the many angles of grieving.
There is much going on inside of me.
Sometimes the grieving is sharp and stabbing. Sometimes it is a sweet weep with gratitude to them for being on the front lines, for holding it together no matter what was happening. Holding it together in that we are all still alive and above ground.
So many times was death wished for — actually reached for — but never accomplished. So many times, when the sweet release from the body would have meant sweet release from the pain and unrelenting darkness that endlessly encapsulated.
Sometimes the grieving is for the missed opportunities of what could have been, had the girl and young woman been whole, been sound, been lusciously and lavishly in their creative juices and able to produce worlds of color and grand magic.
Sometimes the grieving is for the missed opportunities of perhaps a lasting love, a love where two people joyously celebrate each other in their successes, in their failures, in times of great loss and sadness and in times of triumphant climbs in consciousness, a love of longevity, of lasting and abiding companionship that supports and braces everything about them as a whole.
More and more now the grieving is one of a final farewell to them in a sense, but actually the relieving them of the madness, for having unknowingly loved without knowing they loved so much that no matter what they did, no matter how confused and miserable they were, no matter how much they destroyed themselves from lack of knowing how to care for themselves, they continued.
They lived, they strived to take the next step and the next.
And grieving for them because they showed me the way to me and of the herculean task that was required to deliver me to me.
They were the ones who held the aching, held the turmoil, held the insanity so I could finally emerge; so I could claw my way to and know peace, know creation, know love. And now it is my turn to finally show and bring it to them so that they can at last be whole, be at peace and live through me.
I relish this — this position I am in to enfold them in my everlasting care and tender love.
I love and thank them for holding me up, even though they almost gave up.
I am in awe of you.
*****
Lia Love is a healing facilitator, who believes that the absolute bottom line in life is feeling good, and that there is nothing more important. According to her, we cannot experience joy, inner freedom and ultimately success without feeling good, and she offers integrative healing services that may help. For your convenience, a no-obligation complimentary chat is available to discuss your life challenges and a working relationship with Lia. Her services are global, meaning she can work with you no matter where you are located. She would love to hear from you and can be reached directly via email or her website.
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