I Am Valid Because I Exist (And So Are You).
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Walking in the dark, through shadows and ugly things. How I hate and love the dark; it takes me into mystery, and it scares me to my core.
I’m not in control here. The Universe sends me messages and I write them down. It feels good to know something deep within my soul. Though it crushes my ego, I am not going to lie, and hate that. I. Just. Want. To. Feel. Okay. I want to know that I can trust myself. So I write this into the ether. It feels safer for strangers to see these words.
I like to hide away. I like one on one. Give me intensity and truth and clear the decks of false things and people in my life. Show me what’s true. Show me kindly, would you, how dark can be transformed into light?
Lately I sit in the dark, and instead of peering out at the externals, I let the dark sink deep into my eye sockets. My eyes receive things that I can’t possibly comprehend. My mind thinks it knows everything; my soul laughs at that. She loves to laugh.
My soul tells me, “Don’t be afraid of the dark. It’s just a curtain that needs to be pulled back.”
I peer slowly behind the curtain, my heart racing, and I look quickly and find… nothing, just space. Ever expanding space. What am I so scared of? I’m so scared of being empty. Of being nothing to nobody. I don’t want to be alone. I don’t want to be alone with all of this space. I want someone to touch my hand.
Please, somebody, just see me. Place your hand on my back, so I know I’m here.
Then the wind blows. It touches my skin and I begin to notice the surface of my be-ing. I walk barefoot through the sand and sense the ground giving way to offer support. I float in water and merge — she feels me and I, in turn, feel weightless.
I sense sun and a fiery warmth. My heart smiles. If there is one thing I can place faith in at this moment in time, it is the constant transformation that nature sees me through. As she transforms, I do. She’s a landslide. So am I. Her earth is quaking. So is mine. Her water flows. I flow too.
So what makes a person valid? Valid means having a sound basis in logic and fact.
Fact: I exist.
Fact: I am made up of energy.
Fact: Other people validate me. No. Not fact. Belief.
Fact: I am valid because i exist.
So there it is. My ex-boyfriend can’t validate me. My family can’t. My friends can’t. I’m making choices that satisfy my soul.
My ego is terrified. She shakes in her boots,
“Nobody will like me anymore. I’ll have enemies. I need to be loved by everyone. Look at me. Look at how good and helpful I can be. Just keep it together.”
My soul calmly sighs,
“No, thank you. I’m a be-er. I like to sit and smile for no reason. I enjoy hearing shells trickle along the sand under water. I am entertained gazing into that pool of blue eyes in the mirror.”
They smile at me because they know that I am space, that I am the Universe, and that means everything to me.
*****
Kristin Klein lives in Hawaii on the North Shore of Oahu . She has an affinity for the healing arts, movement in its many forms, and a deep love for the ocean. Being a certified Hatha/Vinyasa and Kundalini Yoga Teacher, Massage Therapist, and a White Belt in Nia (a somatic based movement therapy), Kristin considers herself to be a perpetual student. She finds the inner world of emotions, thoughts, and sensations an exciting terrain to explore. When she dances, words seem to flow out like waves, which is why she loves to write and share her personal experiences of “The Body’s Voice”, as Debbie Rosas, the Founder of Nia calls it.
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