6 Ways To Expand & Get Bigger On The Inside.
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I don’t want transcendence yet. I am way too in love with being embodied, particularly in this body, because it just rocks.
I tend to be a little on the plumper side of the skewed Yoga teacher demographic. The slender look is gorgeous too, but my shape has always felt wonderful on me. I aim to embody that yogis of all body types can be graceful, strong and powerful. I love my body… except for when I don’t.
A while back, I stopped working with a colleague. Initially, I didn’t think much of it, no lack of respect between us, just a difference of tradition.
Then, I heard stories from students that they felt demeaned by that particular colleague because of their weight. We’re talking about bright, strong women who felt betrayed by a teacher. My righteous anger lit up against what was insensitivity at best, body-shaming at worst.
Then, some nasty self-doubt crept in. I had no real reason to think my size had anything to do with our separation, but I wallowed in my insecurity. I kept comparing myself to the willowy women that this colleague worked with in my place. Blegh.
I went to a favorite Yoga studio across town to feel better, but I just couldn’t dig in. I usually love John’s class, but that night no amount of radiant heart jargon could help me. I was contracted in my own mire, totally imploded. He spoke about expanding the heart from within. Still nada.
John bounced over in front of my face in a standing backbend, gave me the brightest smile, and blasted me with arms wide, “Just get as BIG as you can!”
And just like that, all my self-doubt and persecution dropped away.
Get as big as I can? Why am I contracting? Why would I even want to be small?
I will not diminish. I’m expanding to be as big as I can. Bigger still!
Bigger and rounder and full and ever-expansive until I contain the whole of the universe.
I am unlimited.
My heart exploded with so much love for my students and every person who has ever felt diminished. I pride myself on my body-positivity, and yet even I had allowed a small-hearted person cause me to contract.
Real or imagined, body-shaming of all kinds shrinks our light. The expectations that we be thinner, look bustier, have more meat on our bones, have smoother skin, be younger, be taller, be shorter, have a thigh gap, etc., all have the same reaction. They diminish our inner light and strength so that we must seek or buy external validation.
Nobody profits if we love our bodies exactly as they are.
Except us.
But I am done with smallness. I’m through being shrunken, hard and dry. I’m owning my fullness and succulence. We can’t control how other people think or act, but we can control our own impact on the world. And I want mine to be bigger.
I choose to get bigger on the inside. Seriously. Like the TARDIS. Your body is a magical vessel that takes you on adventures through time and space. The outside is just a shell of a phone box. The inside holds our refuge, courage, magic, and love.
We have to stop focusing on the size of our outsides and get bigger on the inside. Here’s six things I’ve been doing to expand my insides. Try them.
1. Leave situations that make you shrink.
If you feel diminished and weak, seek a new situation that makes you feel expansive and free. Unfollow thinspiration yogis on Instagram. Follow weightlifters instead. Be wary of orthorexia masquerading as healthy eating. Eat cake occasionally and don’t feel guilty about it. Surround yourself with positive, wholesome, healthy people.
2. Stop making small shapes on the outside.
Stand up taller, spread your arms out, reach as far as you can, and make big shapes with your physical body. Stop doing Yoga for weight loss. Take up more space. Stop doing Yoga and exercise regimes that make you suck in your tummy and tuck your tail under.
Those rigid forms express society’s love of linear thinness, but are not the only safe movement patterns available.
3. Don’t hide your bigness.
Speak as loudly as you want, wear loud patterns and bikinis. Or wear a muumuu. Wear heels that make you taller than your partner. Do, wear, and say whatever the fuck makes you feel pretty and comfortable without obsessing over what makes you look skinnier/curvier/flatter/bustier/leggier/whateverier.
4. Support others.
Lead by example. Tell your story. Shine gentle light onto hidden patterns of shaming to dissipate them. Sharing love makes it grow big and bold and beautiful, just like you.
5. Take less.
Taking energy from others draws us inwards and shrinks us. Do you empower those around you like a supernova or are you needy and sucky like a black hole? Ask questions. Listen more than you talk. Don’t expect others to fight your battles for you.
6. Give more.
Giving expands us out. Weigh your balance on the side of giving more than you take, so you will be an outward-beaming force for love.
Help people in tiny ways: smile at a stranger, hold open a door, or offer a ride. Be an anonymous Good Samaritan. Give genuine compliments constantly. Look for ways to make someone else’s life a tiny bit better. Anybody can help their friends and family, but only big people give freely to strangers and people they don’t like.
When you feel shrunken, go uplift someone else. Make this a habit. Every time you feel embarrassed or diminished, go feed the hungry or clean an elder’s house. Turn shaming into service. Love grows. Be a big light.
And I get it if you’re thinking this all sounds trite or oversimplified. But spirituality is actually simple, and nothing is simpler than love. Expand the love and light from your insides onto the anguish of the world.
How can you give more, shine more, share more? How can you be a bigger force for good? How can you give more than you take? Who knows who might need your light? Who knows what little bit of big-heartedness could make a huge difference?
Come on yogis, lovers, and humans of all sizes, let’s all get as big as we can!
*****
Since she was two years old, Lauren Duker has been happy wherever she goes. Her aim is to write love and fairy tales into life. By trade she’s a Yoga teacher and Yoga-teacher trainer enraptured with the miracle of the human body-mind-soul. She aspires to follow the example of boundless love set by her teachers. Connect with her at Arpanam Yoga, on Facebook and on Instagram.
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