The Freedom To Embrace The Moment.
{Photo via Pinterest}
Oh drats, Debs. Try it again.
Don’t move this time. Breathe shallow, slowly, silently. Don’t get lost in watching the mesmerizing ebb and flow of twisting kaleidoscope colors frolicking behind the shuttered darkness of your closed eyelids. Ah… that’s it. Very good.
Relax into this moment; experience the smell of silence, the taste of anticipation for yet another moment. Yes, this is it. The moment.
When I took my first shaky but confident step onto the path of this unexpected adventure, in my mind I had already created a flavor to succulently savor the crowning moment. A scent was then paired with that flavor, enhancing it with the sweet smell of a fresh spring breeze after a slow nourishing rain.
Feelings were carefully wrapped around that taste and smell, and spun one thread at a time into a shimmering cocoon of incredible possibilities, wherein chances of defeat or sweet triumph swirled together and blended in equal measure.
At this point, some folks may point out, there seems to be something missing here; an expectation of the final moment, a reward of the outcome itself. Expectations had been carefully avoided, ignored, obliterated from thought and ground down into tiny pieces to be shared with Mother Earth.
There is no assumption of a certain outcome at all, much less an expectation of anything ending. This is about choice.
Oh my, the moment is almost here. My eyelids flutter a bit, allowing just a hint of light to be seen. Before I open my eyes, I slowly take probably the biggest and deepest breath of my entire life. I get lost in the moment, feeling air fill my lungs — I’m almost dizzy. My body begins to shake.
When that deep breath is complete, I consciously unlock my trembling knees, slowly open my eyes and lose myself in the sensation of what I’m seeing.
Ah, yes, the color is vivid; the flavor of possible success is like the coolness of a wintergreen mint. I feel a titillating breeze and notice the textures of clothes against my skin feel soft, yet irritating. My eyes finally communicate with my brain and translate everything into my childish human comprehension. It is time.
This moment will forever be branded in my soul.
Can mere words ever do this moment justice? Maybe. It always will, to me.
To do what I did next may seem minor. I was five years old, and it was my first day at kindergarten. I had endured several suffocating hours in a room with total strangers, listening to adults say meaningless things. I had just been released from the hospital after a beating from my father.
My core survival need at that moment was to free myself and everyone else. I stepped out into the hall, pondered my choice, and decided it was my salvation. It was indeed my freedom. I knew in my heart this was correct, authentic, and absolutely necessary.
With total confidence, I reached up and pulled the fire alarm.
It’s amazing how fresh, clean outdoor air feels when walls disappear.
*****
Debbie Engelmann is a survivor of violent stories. She is the founder of Created By Nature Wellness, LLC and A Well-Tuned Soul, where she partners with nature to help patients regain optimal health and conscious empowerment. Debbie holds doctoral degrees in Natural Health (NHD) and Traditional Naturopathy (TND), and a Bachelor of Science with a minor in Psychology. “I am natural to the core, non-judgmental and compassionate while helping people find their stronger sense of self buried beneath poor lifestyle choices, fatigue and the seemingly unstoppable chatter in the mind,” she explains, “my mission is to empower, inspire and educate in a clear and simple fashion the many natural methods available to heal the human mind, body and spirit, releasing painful emotional memories, while continually respecting the life-giving value of all other creatures and ecosystems upon this earth.” Her websites are Debbie Engelmann, Author and A Well-Tuned Soul.
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