The Joy Of Being An Outcast.
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Have you ever felt like you don’t fit in?
Like an outsider, loner, hermit, a self-imposed outcast in the wilderness, where you live in a cave, wash in the river, hunt and communicate with the trees, stars, sun and moon, while looking down on the rest of the world from some forgotten, lonely mountain?
Have you ever had that feeling of standing on the outside of the world everyone else lives in, watching all the groups of people swirl and float around you? All of them following the same rules, having the same beliefs, and mentality?
Although you can live in their world for a certain extended amount of time, sooner or later your spirits starts to itch and fidget for that mountain, again experiencing that feeling that you simply don’t fit into this world.
I’ve lived this feeling, and as much as I tried to shake it, it refused to leave, like an invisible birthmark tattooed upon my spirit. I questioned this feeling, interrogating it like a prisoner holding the secret to my soul.
Where did it come from? Why did it keep trying to take me back to that mountain? And how did it always find me, no matter how far I thought I had run?
I tried to deny its existence, to close my ears to its familiar voice, asking me to return to solitude. I shut my eyes to the reflection it tried to show me of myself, a reflection of me alone in the wilderness, outcast, dressed in nothing but the furs of my thoughts.
It was as if its voice would travel down from that mountain upon the wind, haunting me, whispering in my ear everywhere I went. And every time I opened my eyes, I would catch glimpses of it; glimpses of the reflection of my hermit-outcast-loner self, lounging comfortably on the edge of my peripheral vision, smiling at me.
So finally I gave in, as I was too tired to keep running.
My ears and eyes were too in love with their senses to sacrifice their total use in an attempt to shut this feeling out, and for some reason my spirit kept telling me that it was okay. This feeling was a part of me, and was simply trying to tell me something.
In the moments of that acceptance, in that moment in which I willingly allowed that feeling to guide me back to that mountain, where I don the fur of my thought like a familiar skin, I finally saw the beauty of seeing the world from such a distance; the freedom and beauty of stepping into the skin of the outsider in me.
From that mountain, the outcast in me became a watcher, an observer of the world and all the different groups swirling and mixing within it.
The loner that I was took that opportunity alone on that mountain, to not just watch but to learn and understand all the different beliefs, thoughts, values, and customs everyone else, living in their separate groups, followed.
Instead of becoming a part of one group in the world, I became a part of all groups. Up on that mountain, I gained a perspective wider and clearer than any I’d ever experienced being down in the world of social acceptance and conformity.
I learned the power of that mountain, of being the loner, the outsider, the outcast. It’s the power to use all that understanding, knowledge and wisdom to step comfortably into any group of your choosing and to learn, dance and experience everything the people in that group have to offer.
I learned that being an outsider was never actually something forced upon me, but was really a choice made deep down within my soul.
My mountain was a place from which I could not only collect my thoughts and look at the reflection of myself in the streams and rivers, but also a place from which I could better understand the world, and be free to come down into it whenever I pleased.
To come down and spend as much time as I liked immersed in all the groups of the world, having espied them from above and truly seeing everyone for whom they are, plus knowing how and why I felt a connection to each particular group.
Being the loner on that mountain also taught me something else, and that is the ability to be comfortable spending time with my soul; walking alone exploring the valleys, swimming in the rivers and streams, and hunting with the wolves, unafraid of taking new adventures alone.
Just like returning to the mountain, when you need to go, you go. No longer weary of solitude, but able to cherish it like a close friend.
You also lose the fear of speaking your mind, even when you know no one else will agree with your words. Up on that mountain I have experienced the feeling of being alone with nothing but the true reflection of who I am, and it is by accepting that reflection that I found peace with myself.
With that peace, you become comfortable communicating everything you are as a being with other people; no longer chasing acceptance but simply enjoying the fearlessness of sharing the parts of yourself that you’ve discovered.
And from the mountaintop, you also get to see which groups in the world excite and speak to you most. The wind carries you the sound of their music, which you can follow back down, eager and ready to fully explore the groups and places of your choosing.
But I am still, and will always deep down be, an outsider, the loner-hermit-outcast, who returns to the mountain to contemplate what I have learned down in the world.
To stare into the stream at my reflection and see if I have come back changed; to once again observe the world from such a breath taking perspective, marveling at the understanding and knowledge I can gain from taking time to watch, listen and absorb.
This is who I am, and if this is who you are then maybe one day you’ll return to the mountain and choose to stay there, spending the rest of your days enjoying the view, at peace and alone with yourself. Or maybe you’ll chose to lose yourself in one of your favorite groups in the world, and retire.
Whichever choice becomes my destiny, right now I know that the feeling of being on the inside and accepted is always amazing.
But it’s only truly amazing because I’ve viewed the whole world, spread out profoundly in front of me, from the peak of my mountain, standing alone, on the outside, a self-imposed outcast, simply enjoying the view.
*****
Emanuel Adelekun is a writer and a filmmaker, as well as a hip-hop-culture-loving warrior-b-boy. Always honest, he talks too much, always has an opinion, and tends to push people, but that’s okay with him because he has accepted that he’s a wild, fiery spirit who believes in true self-expression. He follows the path of always striving to develop, improve and better understand the frequency on which his soul vibes, making this his way of life. In the end, he believes in keeping it simple: stay open, live to explore, experience, and enjoy the moment. Cherish your mistakes, always be a student, don’t take shit from anyone, and treat others how you would like them to treat you. Through his words, Emanuel hopes to make connections with other similar souls, and maybe open people to something more inside themselves. You could contact Emanuel via his website, Instagram or Facebook.
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