Why My Husband’s Affair Was The Best Thing To Happen To Me.
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Yes, I know that sounds strange, but here’s the deal: I was very unhappy in my marriage.
Miserable is another word that could be used to describe how I felt. I was so unhappy that my unhappiness consumed me 24/7. I would spend all my time trying to convince myself that I hadn’t fallen out of love with my husband; that it was just a rough patch that all marriages go through. I would lie in bed every night telling myself that in 13 years, when my daughter would turn 18, I could finally leave and be happy.
My husband and I had talked about getting a divorce a couple of times, and inevitably I would chicken out and tell my husband that I didn’t want to go through with it. The reason was that I had so much guilt about ripping our family apart and having to tell my daughter that the reason she has two homes is because Mommy was bored.
I had also helped raise my stepson from the age of 4 to 12, and he was at the age that our divorce would really impact him, and not in a good way. He and I had a great relationship, and both loved each other.
My husband and I tried marriage counseling, but that didn’t help either. We didn’t have a friendship, and to be honest, my husband bored me to tears. He had no friends and only had one interest: sports. We spent most of our free time on the couch, vegging in front of the TV. Not a healthy or productive marriage, to say the least.
It was December 27th, 2014 when I got the call from my husband’s mistress whom he met on ashleymadison.com to let me know about their year-and-a-half-long affair. She proceeded to tell me that they would fuck in my bed while I was at work; she spent the weekend at my house when I was out of town attending my aunt’s funeral. She spent a week at my house when my daughter and I were visiting my sister in California.
The kicker was that she had met my daughter! Yes, that’s right! My husband was dumb enough to have his mistress meet up at a park, where my daughter had a playdate with her daughter. Once I heard all of this, as heartbroken and pissed off as I was, I realized that this was my get out of my marriage guilt-free card.
I made my husband stay in a hotel the night I found out about the affair, and moved out of our family home a month after. Our divorce was finalized 3½ months later. It has now been 10 months since the bomb hit. I am happier than I have been in many years. I don’t have someone micromanaging my every move, telling me what pot to use to boil water, how to load a dishwasher, and tell me what we were having dinner every night.
I still have days of sadness and anger, but those are dwindling as time goes on. I have forgiven him, not for him but for myself. Every day I try to find ways to better myself spiritually, emotionally and physically. My goal in life is to be the best mom, person, friend, sister, daughter that I can be. My ex? He’s still with his ashleymadison lover living in their complete dysfunction. I’ve yet to get an apology from him, but that’s okay.
In hindsight, he did me a favor, I am now living the life I so badly wanted 13 years before I ever thought I could.
*****
Stefany Phillips is a 40-something recent divorcee with a young daughter, who is trying to navigate her way through this game we call Life in the most positive way she can. Red wine, laughter, friends and the Oprah channel also help. Stefany recently started living what Brené Brown calls a life of vulnerability, and since starting to do so, she has never been more scared or happy in her life. When Stefany is not with her daughter, she enjoys reading, volunteering with the homeless, and spending time with her girlfriends whom she has known since childhood. You could contact Stefany via her blog or Facebook.
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