The Cycle Of Freedom. {poetry}
{source}
She said,
“I think there’s only so many tears you can have for a man,
And I’ve used all mine up.”
I believed in you.
Against all odds.
Against all their doubts.
Against my heart
To believe that you could be a friend.
A friend.
After all, we had built years of shelves
All carrying the pages we created.
Our memories
Sheets of our hearts entangled
Into a web of emptiness
Slowing, creeping
Engulfing what was left.
Every page I had penned before,
You burned.
The ashes in piles
Left for me to mourn alone
Within a somber pillow of smoke.
Choking, left to be smothered.
I pled, alone.
Begged, alone.
The air too thick to reach out
To anyone.
And so a miracle came from above,
An array of strength
The decision one day to rise.
Rise from those ashes.
Walk toward the light.
To simply leave.
Brokenhearted, I left you.
And in you, I left
A fractured passion
A depressed rage
A mountain of emotions
That a heart such as yours
Could not
Would not
Accept.
So came the revenge.
Reprisal.
Vengeance on a weak moment.
To trust in your friendship
After all our pages.
You wouldn’t be left.
Couldn’t be left.
The cycle was not yet broken.
When came the solitary nights,
During the desolate days,
Reliving memories only understood
By you
By me
You coddled me for honesty;
Honesty would meet a warm embrace.
Trust you.
You’re here for me.
We were meant to be friends.
So, my fragile heart cracked a little.
The waters of my fears trickling through
Flowing into you.
You gathered those tears,
You cradled the lost dreams,’
And just as I was blinded,
Blinded by your smoke once again,
You turned.
You lit a fire that raged
Through the river of our honesty.
You blew winds that
Crashed
And trashed
Against the crippled creek
I had allowed you to wade in.
While your thunderous explosions
Whipped the waters around
I began to drown.
Suffocating
Begging
Reach for me! Grab my hand!
But your cold stare just watched.
Stupid girl, you are, you said.
You left, you said
Rescue yourself.
Gasping for air, my lungs engulfed in fire
Please!
Begging some more.
Just my hand, pull me out!
If only for one moment of fleeting peace!
But you never did.
You had trapped me.
My river lashing between your banks.
And just as I looked to God,
Looked to let go,
To breathe somewhere up above me,
Because how could he come once again.
I saw the water’s edge,
The cliff I needed to fall from.
Jump! He whispered,
Jump with my faith.
Jump again.
Seeing the horizon,
I laid back, stared to the sky above
Seeing only love in his eyes.
Learning in that moment,
That his love was patient,
His love was kind.
His love would carry
The wounded in me.
Floating through the raging river
I surrendered to the current
And fell into a peaceful abyss
Away from your banks.
Freedom.
No longer will the river of my heart
Be confined to your water’s path.
No longer the cycle
Of burning pages
Of smoking ashes
Of raging rivers.
I am free.
The tears I cried for you,
Not used up,
But used to carry me to freedom.
***
Candice Lane can be best described by the following quotation from Kate Spade: “She’s quick and curious and playful and strong. She is a voracious reader and a fantastic dancer. She saves old scrapbooks and looser her umbrella. Her emails pile up but she never forgets to call her grandmother. She has seven dollars change at the bottom of her handbag.” Candice believes in ghosts — has a healthy following of them. Her spirit animal is the hawk, but she has daily conversations with God. She believes that one should never live without red wine, the perfect soundtrack for a long drive, and the belief that somehow, love can conquer all.
***
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