Exiling Her Flesh From Bone.
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She fled the home of her love waters
Collecting her bones and her heart’s strings
She ran like the grace of wind
Running with the blood of instinct
Rushing with a wild impulse
She ran speaking to the night stars
She woke to find herself in the dark forest
Painful love exiling her flesh from bone
She opened her crying chest
clutched the earth into each hand
feeling every piece of life buried under each finger nail
She let go with a howling scream
Raising her skin to the night sky
feeling back into her skin
Moon mother as her guiding witness
She was home.
*****
Lately I’ve been surrounded by stories of the painful experience of unearthing love. We often call it a broken heart.
I feel you. I hear you. I see you.
I’ve spent many years in this very place. I’ve come through with new eyes and renewed heart-strings for what you are feeling right now.
I write this article and draw the whole universe to each word, hoping it finds a place within your fear and sadness.
I feel the breaking in your bones when you ask:
“What happens when your only lover makes a choice that causes you to flee the rivers of love?”
“What happens when you no longer trust the home of your heart?”
“What happens when your body is rushing with an impulse to retreat?”
“What happens when you collect your soul-bones and heart-strings and run?”
“Where do I go?”
Can I say…
The only map you need is the night sky that is written on the walls of your heart. The only grace you need is the wind within your scream. The only fire you need is the anger rising up from the bellows of your stomach.
Let it all out.
Allow the tears to rush over your flesh. Allow the grace of Papatuanuku (mother Earth) to hold you. Allow yourself to bury the bones of the past into someone else’s hands. Trust the impulse of gut instinct. Trust the ache.
Trust the love that surrounds you by the angels disguised as strangers, and the gurus disguised as children.
Feel it — feel it all.
When you’re finally done, hand it over — all of it. Sing it into the night sky.
Allow something greater than your own experience to take each painful heart string and mend it.
Allow the oceans to meet you on the shoreline.
Allow the truth of each song-line to wrap you up and hold you.
Allow the Goddess within you to rise up and be with you, my dear sister.
Allow the God Warrior within you to nurse you, my dear brother.
Allow every ancestor — past and present — to grace you with love, laughter, and a place for you to rest your weary soul-bones.
Because the truth is, you’re not broken.
There is not one thing broken within you. You’re more here and more alive than you’ve ever been.
Trust in that.
You’re in the midst of breaking through to the greatest love ever experienced. The soul is ready to nurse you into another world. Your heart is expanding beyond the old rooms of love.
You’ve only spoken about the stories experienced by the type of love that only existed with another.
You’re now moving into another place. This is not just any place, this is an upgrade.
You’ve been upgraded to a kingdom filled with a love that is greater than you could ever imagine…
… this kingdom, my dear sisters and brothers, is the kingdom of self-love.
This is a place where you no longer have to find yourself within the eyes of another. This is a place were you cease looking for another to fill the piece of you that’s hollow from last winter’s sorrow.
You no longer need a lover to approve of your greatness.
You no longer need to save or change anyone in order to fill you up.
You are now in the midst of learning how to fill your own hands and heart up.
You’re now learning how to sing your own soul-bones into creation.
Your soul has been waiting patiently and gracefully for this moment.
Every piece of you is exactly where it needs to be right now. Allow yourself to feel the fear, pain, numbness, sadness, anger, and everything else that rests between your tongue and teeth. Allow You to Be.
Please don’t hide away from the vulnerability of your bleeding bones. Open and be here. Right here.
And if you’re unsure of this place you’ve arrived at…
… let me say that all parties involved wished to be in this very place, sharing this very experience with you, and this is where we learn about the depth of soul.
When love splits two hearts, it’s because you’re both ready to experience a deeper understanding of it. You’re both ready to move from another place, and this can’t be comprehended on an intellectual level. This can only be reached on ocean-like depths of soul and heart.
So turn to the wisdom of your feeling. Trust that your heart and soul are now your newly appointed Wise Counsel.
If your heart so desires, be here for a while. Move in. Make yourself at home. Allow yourself to mend the heart-strings, and sing your soul-bones back into creation.
Retreat! And restore the diamonds within you.
Find a wise old tree, and be with the wisdom that is You.
Trust.
***
Pia White is a Soulful Seeker, Writer, Intuitive Mentor and Artist who has traveled far and wide within both the inner and outer landscape. Her life path has been devoted to exploring the emotive strings that created her chaotic and soulful experiences in life, sharing these heart felt entanglements with others through creative expression, mentorship and storytelling. Her life has been full of adventure, chaos and delight. You will find her eating tahini out of a jar with carrots, meditating under trees, and stalking the ocean shoreline seeking the wisdom. She is learning to be unapologetically herself. You could contact Pia via her website, Instagram or Facebook.
***
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