I’m Not Saying That Eating Ants Is Sexy: Ode To The Wild & Free Female.
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There’s something sexy about my freeness, isn’t there? I see it when I speak to men about where I’ve been.
It’s like a hope that they get to be the one who tames something wild. Or maybe just touch the excitement of something excruciatingly different for a moment. Excruciating in a good way. You can see it in their eyes.
I was in a store the other day talking to the woman behind the counter. We got talking about camping. I told her I’d spent 27 days in the wilderness in a tent. And that two years ago I’d move to Costa Rica to live in a remote village.
I told her that in that time, I’d learned to eat the small ants that ran through the sugar and coated the bananas. It wasn’t worth cleaning them.
I could feel the man standing beside us. I could feel his gaze tracing my silhouette. Burning a hole in me. Like if he stared long enough, some of the strength I’d used to live differently from him would rub off.
Like maybe he’d be changed or saved.
I’m not saying that eating ants is sexy. I know some weirdos. Maybe that’s a thing for some people. I’m saying usually people are attracted to the things they can’t find in themselves.
I’ll say it again. Usually people are attracted to the things they can’t find in themselves.
For example, if they praise you for your abilities to date yourself, they are probably batshit scared of being alone. Or if they love your boldness, it’s because they wish to master that quality.
What many of them don’t know is that mastering you isn’t going to bring them any closer.
I fell in love, deep in love, with a human because he was free. And I wanted to be free. You know what happened? We failed. We crashed and burned and bled from wounds we didn’t know we had.
At the end of it, I didn’t walk away with his freedom.
I walked away the same human. Arguably a little less free.
You grow your bravery. You cultivate your strength. Your freedom is only a gift your heart and mind can give your spirit.
Your choices — down to what you eat in the morning, to how you honor your body, to the sex you don’t have, to the run you choose to take, to the money you make and the money you don’t make, to the zone of comfort you choose to step out of — those choices are your lifeline to change.
Another person will never be a window, or door, or gaping hole in a wall allowing access to the person you wish you were. People are not shortcuts. Don’t go digging deep into someone else’s framework, looking for your shit.
You’re not going to find it there. No matter how many open-mouth kisses you plant on them. No matter how many times you find a way to intertwine your day with theirs.
A badass bitch who knows who she is. She is certainly an inspiration. A woman who is so unbasic it makes your stomach turn.
Her freeness and her strength can most definitely teach you something. Her conversations and her deep and graceful human connection can be your inspiration.
But you need to do the work. She’s not here to change you.
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Chelsey Reardon has a heart for truth and women who haven’t met theirs yet. She’s an advocate for coffee and conversation. She tries to speak like she writes — honest and with minimal F-bombs. She gives a shit about Yoga, body image, and self-love. She believes the sky is the limit, you just need to build the ladder. Follow Chelsey on Instagram. She’d love to social-hang.
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