First Impressions Of Yoga: What It’s Really Like.
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After your first, or even fourth, Yoga class, you will undoubtedly have a lot of questions.
That’s totally understandable, and there is nothing wrong with you being sarcastic, doubtful and/or annoyed with the first impressions made on you from the class. You’re probably confused by the jargon and phrases like melt your shoulder blades, ground into your bones, let your heart fly like a butterfly, activate your abdomen.
Some of the movements may seem too sensual, or even borderline sexual. Cat and Cow stretches on all fours with your hips gyrating back and forth? Yeah, that can be weird to the conservative personality types. Hell, the girl in front of you might not have gotten the memo that her Lululemons are see-through after so many washes.
Word of advice: don’t be the first one to tell her, unless you have already been best friends for 2+ years, but definitely close your eyes so that you aren’t staring right into her furry peach.
The most confusing and frustrating part is the breathing. It’s ridiculous and seemingly pointless to every beginner for at least a few months, and I know that you probably want to tell the Yoga instructor to shut up halfway through your first sun salutation.
The instructor isn’t out of breath because they have that breathing part down, but if it’s your first few classes, you’re going to be panting at some parts, and the last thing you want is to be told to slow down your breath and to sync it in a particular way with your movement.
Then there are the long stretches and forward folds at the end, with crunchy spa music in the background. You look around, trying to be inconspicuous, and notice some people have their eyes closed with zen written all over their cheesy, smiling face.
You wonder how this can feel so good for them, then notice the Yoga instructor saw you staring at other people and quickly return your gaze to your legs, annoyed that everyone likes this so much and it just feels like a warm-up stretch before a soccer game, but nobody’s counting to ten.
The last pose is Savasana or superman sauna or whatever that pose is called. At the very end, where you just lie there and try not to move, while your mind darts back and forth between all the weird things that you just did and saw, and the grocery list and plans for next weekend, and the co-worker that you have a crush on.
Maybe you fall asleep. Or maybe you finally take your first deep breath all day, or all week, or all month. Then right after you feel a couple seconds of total relaxation, the instructor is telling you to roll over to your right side and curl into the fetal position like your momma’s still feeding you from her breast.
By the time you’re trying to figure out how to roll your sticky, sweaty mat into a tidy cylinder, and making small talk with glowing strangers, you’re more confused than when you walked in.
As you put your shoes back on wondering how often the floor in the studio is washed, hoping you didn’t catch some foot fungus or worse, you feel something new. When you reach outside and breathe in the fresh air, you notice something is different. You’re not sure what. Maybe it’s just a placebo, you think.
Or maybe, there’s something more to it. Maybe Yoga is more than just flexible, glowing people with perfectly shaped buttocks. Either way, you’ll be back next week to find out.
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Rebekah Kolbe, aka The Moonchilde to her equally eccentric friends, is a writer and newb Yoga teacher in the Michiana area in passionate cultivation of a consciously loving and creative lifestyle. When she isn’t writing sassy and sappy personal essays or exploring esoteric psychology, adoring her loved ones, practicing Yoga, cooking, making music, or walking in the woods, she is working for the creatively philanthropic company called MudLOVE. To get connected to more of her musings, go here.
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