The Roar Inside.
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Good girl, you are not a sweetheart.
The roar inside of you has been a polite purr, as if you approve. But you are not enjoying this at all.
The polite smiles, the forced hugs, the letting him touch you in a place that he told you not to tell anyone. You carry his life in your hands, and you know this is not your cross to bear.
The singsong voice you force out of your body, as to not offend. Pretending you are a wilting flower in the hot sun.
Believing courage is being kinder than everyone else. Caring just a bit too much. Working yourself to the bone and apologizing if you curse or say No.
When you speak up, you pretend that you do not know the answer.
You allow them to pat you on the head, put the modest clothes on your back, and tie pink ribbons around your neck. They strangle your soul breath.
Tear the ribbons off, for they are suffocating your truth. You will not be silenced.
Peel the layers of those clothes off. Cast those ribbons into the wind. Watch them float away as you kick off the heels you’ve been wearing for someone else.
Run into the center of the field.
Feel your feet on the earth standing on their own volition, without approval or validation. Without someone liking it.
Grab the mud and rub it on your body, feeling the bliss of being filthy.
No, you do not have to be pretty.
No, you will not live casually.
You are waking up, and will not live asleep inside of someone else.
He entered you but he does not own your power.
You are a delicious woman ready to be devoured, but in your own time and in your own way. With your fullest Yes and your deepest soul.
When you take a deep breath and feel the piercing of the cold rain on your skin, resist the urge to try and be sane.
To run and find your clothes and vow to not make such a mess.
To spend your days cleaning up, moving the dishes from here to there, then back to here again. Wondering which rug would look good in which room.
You were not made to be a professional girlfriend.
You were made to be wild.
To grow as the wild flowers grow without apology. With a deep hunger for every inch of this earth. Touching the sweetest things and sucking the honey from your fingers.
As you wake up, they will try to tell you how it’s done.
They will tell you about the prayers, the goddesses, the gods, the rituals, the things you should say and do if you want to be you.
Listen to me now: You do not create magic. You are magic.
You are the cracks and the gold that fills the cracks, and you are the feeling of ecstasy when you lie on your back and feel across your skin, taking back the pieces of you that went missing.
They will try to tell you that your sex is desperate, that your body is too alluring. And with every word you will feel yourself grow bright and bold and you will respond,
“I know what I’m doing.”
Here’s to your holy homecoming.
***
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Maria integrated holistic therapies of Yoga, aromatherapy, meditation, and dance therapy with the discipline of psychotherapy. She expanded on her education and experience in psychotherapy by becoming certified in Yoga and Reiki II. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery which stokes the holy fire in every woman she meets. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember who they are. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess photo shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.
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