The External Report Card on Our Inner Healing.
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As I ponder what I wish to co-create with the Divine, I sit quietly in deep contemplation of where I was, where I am and where I hope to be.
My past year has been very solitary, a return to self after lifelong, incredibly challenging journey of seeking and searching for the cure, the answers, outside of me.
One night I was driving home from teaching an evening Organizational Behavior class when, in a flash, I had a deep knowing of how all of life was supposed to feel.
I had an amazing group of students that semester. 32 transcendent teachers sat in the seats facing my podium. They beckoned me every single week to teach outside of my comfort zone, to look beyond the conventional box, and to forget the box even existed.
It was a challenge for me, but I knew all of us would grow exponentially if I was courageous enough to lead them to that vulnerable, transparent place that scared us all. It turned out to be an awe-inspiring semester.
I’m not sure who led. I’m not sure who followed. All I know is that on this particular night I cried the entire drive home. I felt so open, so loving and loved, so connected to every student, to the planet, to the Divine, like an open channel sharing the truth of pure love directly from Source.
In that aha moment, I realized that is how the Divine intends every area of my life to feel.
In that moment, I realized that feeling, that LoveBliss, was the pinnacle, the goal, the A+ on the report card of life.
I realized it was how every area of my world is supposed to feel. It is what the Divine intends for us all, so I used that feeling as a measurement tool to examine my current life’s report card.
How did my friendships measure up? How was my physical health? My abundance? My parenting? My opportunities to use my gifts to be of service to my community? My career? My familial connections? My romantic relationships?
It is incredibly challenging to lose the victim mentality, to realize that every single thing in life is what we invite and allow in order to learn and grow, and then to finally realize that absolutely every single thing that happens outside of self is just simply an invitation to return to self, to come back to your soft spot, the sacred place we keep hidden behind the iron wall, the unhealed emotions, the pain, and to take a raw, real look at what is hindering our connection to LoveBliss, to the Divine.
As I did this, I owned that my report card needed lots of work, and I finally knew deeply that this work was solitary, that it was mine and mine alone. There would be no answers outside of me.
“Who looks outside dreams. Who looks inside, awakes.” ~ Carl Jung
As a result, the past year has been the journey home. Setting boundaries, eliminating all that did not serve and heal me. Looking deeply at me over and over and over again from every angle and from every human-shaped mirror that presented itself to me. It was then that I clearly saw the patterns in my life, the repeat performances.
“When you know better, you do better.” ~ Maya Angelou
I had no more excuses, I now knew better. It was time to do better, to clear out the muddy channels hindering my loving, co-creative connection to Source.
I spent this past year working on each and every area of my report card from the deep place of knowing that “Nothing ever goes away until it teaches us what we need to know.” (Pema Chödrön)
As my Year of Self comes to a close, I will challenge each of us to look at our report cards, clear out the mud that holds us back from our highest version of ourselves.
“In each of us there is another whom we do not know.” ~ Carl Jung
Our planet is in critical need of healing right now. We have 7.4 billion unhealed facets of our planetary pain. It is time for us all to return to self, to heal self, to look to self for every answer we will ever need. It is then and only then that we can each heal our way back to love and, ultimately, heal all that hurts our planet.
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Christie Del Vesco is a College Administrator and Professor, a Universalist Minister, a member of the RAINN (Rape, Abuse, & Incest National Network) Speakers Bureau and single mom. She’s a children’s advocate, a survivor of many forms of sexual violence, and a voice for the survivors who have yet to find their own. Chris is a firm believer that we go through what we do, to help others when they go through the same. She also believes if we would all just “be the change,” we can change the world.
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