Integration. {poetry}
{source}
(Breathe, girl!)
Can you remember her?
(That’s not anxiety, that’s suffocation, my dear; you nearly killed her!)
The one you sealed away?
(It’s okay, breathe your way through it.)
Yes, that’s right. You buried your core, played as small as you could, for you understood they burn witches, and you’ve seen what they do to captured warriors, to women who dare.
(Yes, finger the scars, caress your wounds — it’s okay.)
Do you remember? Back when you made the choice? To survive, you locked her away, kept her from the eyes of the world.
(Did you really mean to shut her away forever, or did you slip beneath the waters of denial?)
It was only going to be for a little while.
(Ah, but you know better than that!)
You know you can’t cage truth, and you surely can’t cage the Universe; and you, love, carry both.
(Yes! That’s it, wiggle those toes! )
Ah, there’s that smile. You’re remembering more.
(Good. It’s time to recall what came before.)
Remember what it was to run wild through the world, wind and flowers twined through hair, in days before you learned fear.
(Ah, yes, inhale!)
Isn’t it nice to breathe again, to remember how it was to spin your own dreams, rather than chasing phantom-dreams of others?
(Can you taste it yet? Life on your lips, the flavor of the universe?)
Do you remember what it is to dance with the moon, to eat stars for breakfast, to hitch a ride on a meteor?
(Do you remember when your own heart mattered, not simply what you’re good at, or what pleases others?)
What it was to feel alive down to your tippy toes, before you buried your true nature under false dreams, and even falser I’m okays?
(You embraced oh-so-successfully, over-achieving you, all of the wins of the civilized world-at-large!)
Yes, you always won on your own terms, but on their playing field.
(Don’t protest, my little rebel love!)
You allowed yourself to be co-opted into their reality; winning at the wrong game means losing you.
(Good. It’s good to cry; there’s nothing to forgive, you were protecting her.)
Ah, tears are good for washing away the film that clouds one’s vision.
(That trembling? Do you know it for its name?)
That feeling, that sensation in the core of your belly?
(Not anxiety, love. It’s mightier than that; don’t downplay your power with their neuroses.)
You’re experiencing a soul-quake.
(And guess what? This is what she’s been waiting for.)
You’ll survive these tectonic shifts. You’ll more than survive, you’ll thrive.
(I’m standing here, rainbowed-bright, shining at you from the future, testament to that.)
Those shakes and quakes cracked the cage, and light poured in; that’s your star-shine freed to lead you back to truth.
(I’m meeting you at the moment where, as word spilled to page, she was freed, her true self brought back to life, to light.)
Oh yes, smile ‘til it hurts, that’s it.
(Sure you’re frightened, but you know that if you peel back the fear, you will discover anticipation, excitement; funny how similar they are.)
Yes, that’s right, you’re remembering it all. You are Story made manifest, you have risen from the sands of the universe and time. You are of the All.
(Yes! You’re made of star-shine and moonbeams and the winds and wilderness of the universe and time, of all that ever has or will be.)
This is the moment where you overcome the fear and hesitation, harness your warrior goddess power, and begin spinning your own dreams into reality.
(You’ve got this, girl. This is you, as nature intended. Nothing can truly harm you. It’s time to rejoin that secret part of your self.)
Are you ready to stop playing small, to stop achieving on the wrong playing field, and to embrace your star-shine goddess self?
(With my gift of hindsight, I can promise that you are. Believe, your future is safe with me.)
Nothing can truly harm you, so let’s set her free. It’s time to rise.
***
Laura Saba is an author, inventor, coach, mother, and folklore and fairy tale enthusiast, who, in her role as birth, death, and mourning doula, lives on call for the Universe, serving as an emissary for those both arriving to and departing from this adventure we call life. She trains doulas too, in the hope of demystifying the most human of experiences for as many people as possible. Laura is passionate about the power of story and personal myth in shaping our understanding of this fantastic journey we share, and teaches online classes in Life Review, where she teaches students to harness the tools of memoirist, fiction writer, and coach for identifying the themes and arcs of their personal story, while exploring how their chapter in the book of humanity intertwines with that of those around them. You can learn more about Laura’s doula work at her website, visit her blog, or explore her books on homeschooling, parenting, fiction, and more on her Amazon page.
***
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