For All of Those Who Are like Me.
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For all of those who are like me,
Who never believed that they could be loved. To have someone, who loves you so much, who loves you no matter what, is one of the most confusing and conflicting experiences you will ever have. I never understood what I did to deserve this. To have someone who loves me for who I am. Who has seen me at my very worst, and who has loved me through it.
I would think to myself, “It wasn’t supposed to be like this.” And wonder how this happened. And wonder if he was lying when he said kind words, if he was lying when he said I was beautiful, or if he was lying when he said he loved me. I would think to myself that he loved me out of a lack of options. I would ask if he only loved me because I am here, if it were out of convenience.
He always thought that this was me questioning our relationship. When really, it was me questioning myself.
For all of those who are like me,
Who were born with the unshakable belief that they are not good enough. For people who were born with the fear of never being enough. For people who were born with a pain that is as real, as haunting, and as terrifying, as a fear of death, or a fear of heights. For people who were born insecure and incredibly self-aware, to the point where everything is your fault, to the point where everything comes back to you.
To have someone love you, and for that to be enough for you to question everything. To question yourself over and over again. To carry the insecure girl that you once were, everywhere and anywhere. And while you can silence her cries, and ignore her tears, she is always there. To all of you, I know how you feel.
For all of those who are like me,
This journey isn’t easy. Facing pain is never easy. It is, in fact, very difficult. It does, in fact, take a lot of work, trial and error, love and hatred, progression and digression. Over and over again. Now I need to say, it isn’t easy, but it gets better. It gets better not by ignoring it, or pretending it isn’t there. I promise, the pain is still there even if you convince yourself it is not.
It gets better by addressing it, by acknowledging it. By listening to it, as if it were someone very worthy of your time and attention. By saying I see you to that little girl who just wants to be heard. Whose cry cannot be drowned out forever. Who will only get louder until she is addressed.
For all of those who are like me,
Your fears and your pain are relevant. In fact, there is nothing more relevant. There is nothing more worthy of your attention. Self-love can be the most painful journey, but it is also the most worthwhile. For wherever you go, there you are. Everything surrounding yourself may change, but let the love that you have for yourself be the one thing that doesn’t.
When self-hatred comes knocking at your door, tell it that you have chosen love.
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Brooke Turcato is currently an English student at Mount Royal University, Calgary. She believes in fairies and nymphs alike, and is highly inspired by travel, crystals, and Yoga. She is an aspiring writer and avid dreamer. She likes frequent trips to the mountains, and will never tire of watching Charmed. She finds comfort in her words, and her joy in expressing them. She hopes to reach fellow truth-seekers and believers through sharing bits of her own experience.
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