Now I’m Royalty, Sitting on My Throne. {poetry}
{source}
I wanted him because he was beautiful.
Calling me in the middle of the night to read me his poem
The one about when we met and he spat broccoli as he laughed
A very serious vegan, don’t I know! Very serious and too skinny.
He only tried to turn me vegan about 1,000 times and I laughed in his face each time.
Smile for miles, I knew I would never have to
Think all that hard with him inside.
I needed that reprieve from all of the trying.
I needed a love that would not shake me awake but let me sleep for a while.
Where our most intense conversation was about meat or the lack thereof.
I wanted the other because I was lonely.
I was awakening and knew I was meant for leading and less for leaning, and I just wanted to be held in the shower.
He had the same brand of lonely, I could feel it when he brushed by me.
It was like the cold part of the sheets that you can’t help but crawl to.
He had those eyes that scan the horizon, always looking
For somewhere to call home but never quite arriving.
And I liked knowing I would be able to live free from the pressure of having needs.
I wanted the other when I was sure I did not deserve to be happy,
as to put a lid on all the joy.
Anything easier meant that it wasn’t interesting, and I liked that I had to always be knocking on the closed door of his heart.
I enjoyed the running in circles, always hoping for words
That would get stuck in his throat on the way out.
I liked the cage of his arms that I could not find the key for, but pretended that I wanted to get free from, a delicious distraction.
I needed the not knowing which way we were going and getting to just waste time circling the drain aimlessly with my fingertips.
I wanted the other because I thought I needed someone
to take care of me.
Not yet quite sure of who I am or what I have to offer on my own, not ready to stand on my own two feet alone.
Rushing to be by my side for no good reason at all, insisting it was no bother.
The kind that the body is no longer really a thing and you’re just making dirty jokes in your underwear on the couch with no one to impress.
The kind that treats you as a fragile star, always trying to make the circumstances just right so you don’t sweat at all.
Forgetting that the only way to make love is to sweat like animals which was just a little too impolite.
The completely precious mind-numbing kindness.
Now I’m sitting here on my throne, completely in my power,
and I find that I want you.
If you were sitting on your throne, you’d find me too.
And we would laugh over all the years we could
let this go by without even a call.
***
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery, which stokes the holy fire within women worldwide. Maria integrates holistic therapies of Yoga, meditation, and dance therapy with her own model of healing that creates breakthroughs quickly. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember their joy. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess Photo Shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.
***
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