Swim Me Home. {poetry}
{source}
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I almost ignored you. I was used to forcing the light off as quickly as it went on.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In the many stories I offered you. Never quite traversing that land of boundary and tact.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I felt my skin as if I was starving. I made my bones move as if they had never heard the word sin.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I fear to ruin this with you. What has awakened in me is moving here now, with or without you.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In deciding to listen and be patient. No longer filling the silence with distracting words and just letting what was there be present.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I found other things to do than call you, like organizing my sock drawer, professional Facebook-stalking, the old and true blank-staring at a cellular phone. Mostly just touching my skin and falling into what she was waking up to.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I learned to stop reaching. Instead awaken in the middle of the night and wait for the right words to come tuck me back into bed.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I wanted to taste you. How my eyes already drank in more than my share.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I let myself be remotely sensible. Knowing this really has little to do with you, and is more about how I am capable of feeling if I want to.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I hated waiting. When I went home that night and played through all other possible scenarios in my head.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I couldn’t hold back if I wanted to. I said too much and exactly what I wanted to, and had to breathe through the shock of being alive.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In taking back some of that energy. I stopped wondering if you liked me, and instead wondered how I might like myself just a bit more.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I couldn’t wait to tell you about the fire I’ve found inside that I never quite knew I had.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In what I would let myself hold. I was full of terror and joy in equal measure, and I realized that I couldn’t talk myself out of either.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I’ve decided to lean into this. Breathe in every single outcome as a palm full of fresh wildflowers.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
When I began to feel a bit empty without you. And saw my control slowly seep from my heart.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
In how I surrender into. As there’s nothing else I can do, for cutting off limbs is not working.
I kissed you before I kissed you.
Knowing that suffering is not something I have to do. I’m going to ride this wave until it brings me out to the deepest sea and then slowly swims me home.
Swim me home.
***
Maria Palumbo’s ‘soul mission’ is to awaken women to their innate power. Beginning in community mental health, Maria served as a psychotherapist with a specialization in healing trauma wounds. Recently she burst through the box of psychotherapy to create her own model of self-discovery, which stokes the holy fire within women worldwide. Maria integrates holistic therapies of Yoga, meditation, and dance therapy with her own model of healing that creates breakthroughs quickly. Acutely aware of the innate genius in all, Maria works with women to help them remember their joy. She is the creator and dream-maker of BodyLove Goddess Photo Shoot, an event that is the impetus for a body-love revolution. She is also a mentor for brilliant women all around the world through her Awaken To Your Magic mentorship program. You can contact her via email.
***
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