Do You Know Your Own Darkness?
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I’ve known her my whole life, though she was forced to keep silent for most of it.
She’s the one who stands quietly waiting for the moment to speak. And when she does, a scorpion’s tongue descends from her mouth and unleashes every stinging word and phrase she can manage until I am lying on the floor feeling useless, powerless.
She’s the one who waits patiently in the corner with glass shards in her bloody fists, ready to slice me open. And when she does, centuries of wounds reveal cockroaches and a black steam that rises from my chest. I lay in wonderment that those filthy, disgusting things could possibly come out of me.
“You’ll learn to love them,” she sneers.
She’s the one I banish to the smallest living quarters of my space. The one I cover up with pictures of smiling faces and floral wallpaper. Until her silent rage fills the confines of my mind, which trickles down into my solar plexus, and soon that tiny space is no match to her boiling temper. At once she strikes the match and burns everything I worked so hard to show the world to the ground.
She’s the one that makes me sob. She’s the one that forces me to smell my own excrement as she demands, “If you cannot love this, there is no way you can love me.” And I fought her for so long.
But she’s there.
And I can’t figure out if I should revere her as the Dark Goddess, or if this is somehow separate from years of unhealed trauma, or if the two are mutually exclusive, but I do know that the more I tried to fight her, the stronger she became. The more I banished her to certain spaces within my sanctuary, the bigger she got. And the more I tried to ignore her, she showed up in any way she could.
So I have learned to love her. I have learned to invite her in rather than fear her. I have learned to appreciate the tongue of the scorpion and the glass shards. For every time those parts are now unleashed, they sting me much less. And every time I’m cut open, there are far less unpleasant certainties radiating out of my core.
I have learned to appreciate her for all that she has shown me about myself. All the darkest parts of me, that would have otherwise gone unseen or unnoticed until they were unleashed elsewhere and I went on to blame the other person for making me behave that way.
The dark can only be contained for so long before it needs integration with the light. And though I love the light, I have found that the darkness continues to teach me the most about myself. It shows me where I can heal more emotional wounds, where I can let go of outdated beliefs, and how best I can use my destructive energy towards rebuilding.
The darkness within has shown me how to be more compassionate with myself. It has shown me where I need to surrender to life’s gaping wounds and let the salt that stings those places seep into the bloody parts. The darkness has shown me where the most opportunities exist for growth, and in that blackness I have seen the light of so many potentialities.
Yes, my Dark Goddess, in all her many forms, has paved a path of destruction and created an entire energetic frequency of space. And I find that in this space, I hear the messages from Spirit much clearer, the constant noise of the outside world has been silenced and, step by step, I create a different dream.
And in that creation of my own dream, I wonder about the collective dream. The lives being lived. I wonder about your life.
And I wonder, do you know your own darkness? Do you know what possibilities exist in the hands of the Dark Goddess? If not, it might be time to let her in, for she has much to teach.
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Natalie Sophia is a self-proclaimed writer, healer, yogini. Her mission in life is to heal and be healed. She loves to laugh, to feel and to write. She began her journey of awakening a few years ago, and though there are times she longs to go ‘back to sleep’, she knows she has work to do. Her work and her passion are one and the same, and she hopes to inspire others on their life path to attend to their deepest longings as a soul in a human body. Natalie feels that life is meant to be enjoyed, not endured. She knows that pain can be inevitable, but there is always choice in the story created from that pain. Feel free to check out more from Natalie on Facebook.
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