Note to Self: Acknowledge the Barriers and Bridges Within.
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Denying or suppressing your past won’t make it untrue.
It won’t cease to exist or dissipate into thin air. You can block out some, ignore some, or fight other elements of a somber and former time.
But avoiding it, or pretending it wasn’t you, doesn’t relieve the pain. On the contrary, it baits those grueling hardships to show their face again. Those demons make their way into your head and eat away at your every fiber. Fear becomes threaded with insecurity once again, wreaking the havoc you know so well.
Why can’t the past stay in the past and not haunt your every second? Why can’t it go away forever?
Maybe because it’s not meant to go away. And it’s not meant to haunt or taunt you. Stop looking at it as the darkness it was, and make it instead appear as the light that has guided you into being the person you are today.
Deep-rooted pain, anguish, misery, and pure loneliness sometimes occur in lives to shape people, who end up fantastically unique, compassionate, humble, giving, brilliant, sensitive, heart-and-soul beautiful beings.
If you didn’t have to endure a blemished childhood, delaying your love of life, you might not be the resilient, brave, kindhearted person you are right now.
Without experiencing such torment, how could you experience such joy to the extent you do? Your sense of love, nature, simplicity, smell, sight, has become transformed on a whole new level. Your vulnerability unmasked as the strength it is, no longer an ill-conceived anxiety.
Enjoy who you are now. Carry with you your past, not as a burden, not as a barrier that holds you back, but as a bridge to the loves, hopes, joys, laughs, dances that have erupted from your inside out. Into your nowness. This is your destined self connected to a harsh past and a limitless future.
Embrace and accept every dark space, every bully, every scar, every condescending word, every shove, every shame, every shy feeling, every fear, every shut door, and every ugliness that seeped in or spilled out.
Also embrace and accept every light that faded out the dark, every beauty mark, every freckle, every compliment, every smile, every genuine hug, every proud moment, every friendly gesture you put out there, every open door, and every beauty that seeped in or spilled out.
Don’t allow your past to hinder your present or project your future. Instead, let it propel you forward as it provided your foundation. Let it give you a new appreciation and understanding of the raw and intrinsic you. Preserve yourself gracious and grounded because of it, not in spite of it.
Own your past. Not the other way around.
And it’s okay to need a reminder that all the good times and the struggles were pivotal in making your most beautiful you.
Allow yourself the courage to break down those barriers. See the bridges that have been there all along. And be unafraid to keep crossing them even when you are unsure what’s on the other side. The other side ahead to be discovered by footprints — your footprints, created by you, day in and day out.
Not with dread or denial, but with more truth, more clarity, and more and more freedom embodying each and every step.
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Lauren Hurd is an adoring mom and wife living a simple, joyous life. There is nothing she holds more precious than family and uninhibited love. Each day she explores the divulging of her soul through writing. She believes laughter is the best medicine, especially from either of her children. She believes in miracles, in fate, and in kindness. She also revels in dancing, dreaming, bursting creativity, home-cooked food, the beauty of butterflies, and the beach.
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