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I was born an only child to an Irish Catholic father and an English atheist mother.

As I grew up, I remember an ongoing tension between my parents concerning my religious upbringing. There was an unquestionable expectation that I would be baptized a Catholic by the Irish side of my family, but my mother would not allow that to happen. She felt that the Catholic church was cruel and controlling, and didn’t want to place me within it.

My father agreed with her, he wasn’t particularly into the church at that time, and so they agreed to leave me unbaptized, which in the eyes of the church made me a sinner and also very vulnerable to the Devil’s influence.

The Irish side of the family hugely disagreed with their decision, and most likely placed a great weight upon them. I knew this worried my dad, and so, in secret he taught me how to pray.

I believe the anger and tension between my mum and dad was at its core this religious issue, and how dad felt torn between his family and mum. I also suspect mum may have questioned her beliefs, especially once I began to show signs of opening my heart, and being curious of spiritual things.

Perhaps she may have wondered whether she was doing right thing and whether she had the strength to face the Irish side of the family and everything else that goes with the Catholic church.

I believe my childhood experiences created the attraction to not only meet but marry a predator.

​Meeting the Predator​

I first came into contact with the predator at the end of February 2009. I messaged him on Facebook after reading one of his books as I was impressed with the writing and elated that someone had written a more mystical account of Christ and his disciples. I felt a sense of hope, that this person may also have a strong love of Christ and the desire to live a life based on Christ’s principles.

Within days he had replied, “I knew you were close. I could sense you in my consciousness. I have dreamt of you. I knew it was you by your hair.”

I was quite taken aback and curious. Secretly, this was everything I longed to hear. A ​spiritual​ man who knew of my existence. A sense that he was looking for me as much as I was looking for him.

Prior to meeting the predator, all of my boyfriends had been feminine men, artists, musicians and designers. I noticed that I would often feel bored or restless, and fed up being the decision-maker, so I made a conscious decision that my next mate would be a different kind of man. I felt it would be wise to seek out an alpha male, and to see how I responded.

After a few days of messaging, we agreed to meet in London’s Camden town. This was March 2009. Our very first meeting was in a café. We hardly spoke to one another, instead just gazed. I believe we held hands and occasionally he would speak. He informed me he could open my womb and reveal all the gifts that were embedded there.

He spoke about the fears he could see within my soul and all my hurts and sorrows.

I felt penetrated. I felt he could read my mind, and knew me more than I knew myself at that stage. I was mesmerized. He wanted to make love with me that night, and was upset that I wasn’t prepared to sleep with him. He said I was making a big mistake and maybe I would never be in a position to sleep with him again. This upset me, as ​a spiritual​ man would never speak like that.

I managed to get away. On the train home, I seemed to come back to my senses, and felt I needed to end things there and then. I felt like I was getting into something way out of my league. But there was an inner dilemma. Part of me wanted to proceed, to see where things would lead, even as another part was saying Get out.

So, while still on the train, I texted how I would be busy during the coming days before I went abroad to teach Yoga. I thought that was the end.

I believe he simply replied, “Meet me in Avebury, at midday at the bookstore.” That was just three days later. That was it. I went to meet him. He had arranged a B&B. I said I had not planned for that. He said, “Decide later.” And of course, after so much enamoring, I stayed. And this time there was no escaping his forward-moving intentions. He insisted and insisted and insisted.

He is a big man, and I am only 5 ft 3. I did want him, I was also sexually drawn. But it was impossible to get him off had I wanted to, and I was not sure whether I did or didn’t. It was a swirl of heady emotions and lots of talk of past lives and past love.

He claimed that he had been Judas in a past life, and still very much felt like the black sheep. The doors of my heart flew open at that one, as for me Judas took on a particular task that only a deeper love could endure.

I was now starting to fall very deeply in love. It felt like a spiritual love. And so I surrendered. I wanted to truly be with him on every level, especially with this understanding that he had once been Judas.

Then it all moved very fast. We planned to move to France. He knew how much I loved the Cathar region of southwest France, and he felt we needed a period of alone time to get to know one another. During this time, he had just begun to write another book and invited me to become the co-author. This seemed like a dream come true. He knew I was looking for a change of direction in my life.

I had come as far as I could being a Kundalini Yoga instructor. He knew I had deep interests in scared sexuality, hieros gamos and sacred union. He suggested that I pack in being a Yoga teacher, and instead spend my time writing with him in France. He said he would find the house and take care of the financial and logistical details. The alpha male was in charge, and I was learning to surrender.

It felt strange, but I kept on trusting, knowing that it’s bound to feel odd to allow someone else to take charge and lead the way.

We started to speak about the concept of twin flames, that we could be the other half of one another’s soul, and this made perfect sense to us and explained away this inexhaustible attraction to one another.

This is a three-part series by Anaiya Sophia.

Tune in next week for the next chapter in ‘Surviving the Predator: A True Story’.

***

Anaiya Sophia is a mystic of an almost forgotten faith. She is mostly known as being an author of six books, including ‘Womb Wisdom’, ‘Sacred Sexual Union’ and ‘Sacred Relationships’. She is currently working on her latest book, ‘Fierce, Fierce  Feminine: One Woman’s Quest to find Her Authentic Voice’. She also orchestrates worldwide gatherings where men and women can delve into the celebration of joy and love. Her themes often include sexuality, relationships, and the higher union of both. She lives in the south of France with her husband , where they run a B&B called Occitania in the Magdalene/Cathar foothills of the Pyrenees.

***

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