archives, you & me

She Remembered Who She Was and the Game Changed.

{Photo credit: Jenna Duffy}

 

There was a time in my life when nothing felt good and I dreamt of the day it would all be over. When I would inflict physical harm on my body, and when suicide was something I had considered time after time.

There was a time in my life when I had an eating disorder. When I’d vacillate between forcefully throwing up everything I ate and binge-eating uncontrollably. When I’d punish myself for how I looked and felt in my body. Because being me, as I was, didn’t feel good enough.

There was a time in my life when I dated boys who carried guns, knives and sold drugs. When I’d feel unsafe and uncomfortable, but stayed. When I gave my body to people so that I could feel desired, loved and attractive. When I knew I was being cheated on, but turned a blind eye to the times I became the mistress in other relationships to avoid the pain on the other side.

There was a time in my life when I was the abuser. When I would threaten my family and friends with shameful and disgusting words. When I would use, abuse, lie and steal to get what I wanted. When I would get physically aggressive with almost anyone to prove my dominance and fearlessness.

There was a time in my life when I was so disconnected from my truth. When I didn’t know how to love myself or take ownership and control of my own life. When I allowed my experiences to define me and to pave my way. When I felt lost, undesirable and worthless, so I’d take antidepressants because I thought that it would be the cure.

There were lots of times… times when I let the darkness consume me and navigate my life. Times when I wasn’t showing up as my best self, and believed that I was not a good person or deserving of anything more than what I was getting.

For a long time, I was at a place that felt like it couldn’t get any worse. At this point, my only option left was to show the fuck up and make a change.

So I did.

I began facing fear head-on and taking a deeper look into my internal world, then realizing that my reality was a reflection and projection of what was going on inside of me.

After years of going back and forth between taking new actions and falling back into old habits, I finally caught a positive momentum and began to fall in love with the process of uncovering who I really am in the depths of my soul.

I finally began to understand that I had the power to change and create my reality.

I made a decision.

I decided to take control of my life and rewrite my story. To redefine what it means to love, to be powerful, to be sexy… to live… to be Me.

I decided to use these life experiences as inspiration and fuel, not as something that holds me back from anchoring in my truth and being in line with my highest good.

I am still actively trying, every damn day, to embrace and rewire the patterns and emotions around these stories, remembering that they are just stories and that they do not define who I am. I am actively working on reclaiming my power and creating the reality I want to live in.

I’m doing the work, constantly.
I’m showing up.
Inquiring, feeling.
Embracing, redefining.
Owning, creating.

And now, here I am.
Raw, human.
Fully embodied.
And in charge of my life.

I’m equipped, fueled, determined and ready to live life as it comes, and I am committed to continuously show up as my best self.

Every single one of my experiences — good, bad, ugly, easy — has played its part in molding me into the woman I am today.

And let me tell you, I love and embrace every single piece of my being — past, present and future — and to all three, I say:

I honor you.
I am grateful for you.
I respect you.
I appreciate you. 

Thank you, thank you, thank you. 

I love you.

***

Lori-Anne Lacambra is passionate about life and living in alignment with her truth. She was born and raised in Toronto, Canada, and is blessed to be living her dream life in the jungles of Guiones, Costa Rica since 2015. She is the creator of ‘Vibe Heal Rise’, a platform where she shares sacred sound ceremonies, intuitive readings, online journeys and somatic mentorships. She also owns a high-vibe hostel and restaurant right off the beach, and is building a healing temple and center on her farm in the mountains. Between the hustle, she carves out plenty of time for self-love, education and time with her partner and pups. Since moving to Costa Rica, Lori-Anne has been deeply immersed into spirituality and mindfulness. She has deep-dived into plant and healing ceremonies, studied Tarot, Reiki and Somatic Coaching. Supporting people’s inner quest is her passion, and self-love is her practice and method.

***

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