archives, poetry

Freeing My Inner Wild Cat to Feel Balanced Within.

{Photo credit: Ilda Dashi}

I don’t have all the answers.
Sometimes I feel weak
to even ask the right questions.

I don’t have my life figured out.
and perhaps I never will.

Because maybe life is not
about figuring things out
but more like a exciting penetration
into the heart of your unique universe.

I don’t even know my self
in her multidimensional facets.
For I am a shape-shifter.
I am a chameleon.
I change colors
as seasons go by.

I never remain the same.
My spirit is like a surprise gift
to me at all times.

So all I know for now,
is that I am coming to terms
with what makes me thrive,
what makes me joyful within
what diminishes my sparkle,
what and who makes me feel
like I am too much of anything
or like something is wrong with me.

I have learned to say No,
to not accept any behavior from anyone
that is not in alignment with my inner compass and inner truth.

Because other people’s key to life
maybe the key to my own destruction.
So I have made a way
I’m walking through everyday,
being aware that I have a choice
to change the trail I am on,
and find my own key to
a deeply fulfilling and satisfying life.

As of now,
I am shifting my shape,
and sailing boats,
overcoming limiting beliefs,
while struggling with some other
outdated thoughts

I am praying for guidance
I am putting my palms on my heart
frequently to hear my spirit more closely.

I am undressing myself
and allowing the wild cat within
to come and play in all her ways
of self-expression.

Before she intimidated me.
I was scared of her.

But the more freedom I allow her,
the more balanced I feel within.

I am allowing expression
in my private corners or publicly
for those selves of me
that were thirsty and hungry to be…
in their dirtiness,
in their nakedness,
in their sensuality,
in their explosive sexual feelings.

I am growing.

Taking steps forward.
Sometimes moving backwards.
Like a dance.
To keep the balance.

To feel my heart beating in her natural rhythm.

But no, I don’t have all the answers
and perhaps never will.

All I know is
that I came on this planet
to thrive
in whatever ways my spirit shows me how.

And I came here to make mistakes,
to un-learn what is not part of my universe.
I came here to throw away
clothes that are not my size
and burn my flame bright.

I just want to be.
Transform. Allow.
Release. Expose.
I want to be nude in my colors.
Transparent, yet mysterious and magical.

I still cry.
I still feel frustrated.
I still want to know.

Then I sit and be.
Then I feel my breath
and realize I am enough.

I am experiencing the whole spectrum
of being a human being
as a female… as a spirit

And I desire and aim
to honor all parts of me
to allow them to come out
and tell their story
their messages…

… no matter what others think.
No matter what others think.
No matter what others think.

Because it does not matter in the end.

And I have a lot to say.
My body has a lot to say.
My mind has a lot to say.
My heart has a lot to say.

And this is just the beginning
of letting my spirit free to be,
in all her messiness, randomness,
craziness, magic and beauty.

I need to be nude in my colors.

***

Ilda Dashi is a former journalist, always a dreamer and forever a nature-lover. She is a poet and writer who has authored her first book, It is You searching for You, a collection of raw poems about a life gone by and the search for a new one. Her life’s journey so far has had many unexpected turns and hardships, but she is determined to navigate through it, at times with her stubbornness and at times through silence and acceptance of what reality brings in front of her. She believes in magic, and feels that we are all made of stardust. We only have to remember this and live in alignment with it. She is both soft and wild in her nature, and always eager to enjoy life in the smallest and most mundane moments. She believes we are all a work of art in progress. You could contact Ilda via Facebook.

***

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