I’ve Never Felt More at Home Than in Your Arms.
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“What was it like to have sex with him?” I was asked.
Sex with you reawakened an ancient wisdom. Sex is the physical vehicle to sacred connection. Penetration is more than orgasmic. It gives us access to the fear-inducing, liberating truth of what we’re meant to have. Every time you touch me, I sink more deeply into you.
Surprisingly, your absence doesn’t unsettle me because I know our connection goes deeper. But your distance perplexes me. Occasionally I wonder, what if this rare streak of optimism is an illusion? What if you’re really trying to ghost me and my efforts overshadow your need for space?
I can’t figure out what you’re feeling or thinking. All I really know is this…
You captivate me with your familiarity.
There’s something about the way you pull me into your body that’s both comforting and scary.
Every time you breathe into my neck, I sink more deeply into you.
I’ve never felt more at home than in your arms.
I remember what it’s like to be loved by you.
I remember how intoxicating it is to be in love with you.
Penetration transcends this physical reality.
I’m transported into another world.
A place that feels more real than this construct our minds created.
This amazing life that’s waiting for us, patiently, because it knows that in the end, we always come home.
I felt a peace and certainty I never knew existed.
And this emptiness at the thought that we resist our kismet.
My greatest heartbreak would be the love we ignore burning inside of us.
I beg of you, please don’t let this become our story.
We’re meant for so much more than this temporary, fleeting, overwhelming fear that our coming together will melt away.
The more I learn about our connection — psychically, through our past lives, what the stars reveal in astrology, the more I realize we have a real shot of being together.
Every time I see a premonition of our future, it’s a promise of what’s possible between us. I saw me falling asleep on your shoulder as we flew to our destination. So every time you talk about Ibiza and I don’t tell you that you’re supposed to take me there, I feel like I’m hiding a secret from you.
I keep seeing sandy beaches. I feel the music pulsating through me. I taste bright flavors that delight me. I know no words to describe them. I feel a high I never knew was possible.
Reality melts away and I forget that life here is strikingly different. I haven’t heard from you in weeks. There’s a wall between us that a bulldozer can’t demolish. No memories of me can breathe there, so how can you still like me in a world where I don’t even exist? Then I remember that there’d be no wall if there were no feelings. But where does this leave us?
The overwhelming conflict and confusion has slowly chipped away at my doubts. I no longer have the energy to question whether my premonitions are illusions driven by imagination, crafted by sheer desires.
And in my fatigued state, the Universe whispers to me promises of our future. My phone gets possessed and turns on YouTube when I’m nowhere near it. A tarot reader that uses five different decks and 15+ cards identifies with eerie accuracy and breathtaking insights into who we are and our future. I’m in disbelief.
This may not make sense right now because what’s real is your absence and distance. But I see the invisible world more clearly and it dominates my senses. Truth is terrifying and beautiful. Open your eyes and see.
***
Jaymie Yang is a shapeshifter of reality and a badass energy bitch who feels everything, aka an empath. She has a provoking quality that activates your deepest fears, so you can transmute them. Being a nonconformist herself, her passion is to support other wildly untraditional women and navigate them in designing the life of their dreams. She’s a Mindset Coach and a Harmonizing Energy Healer. She hosts workshops and facilitates women who are exploding with brilliant ideas to streamline them in soulfully strategic ways.***
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