It Is That Time of the Year Again. {prose poetry}
{source}
It is that time of the year in which life comes full circle.
It is that time of the year when you sit back and remember what it was,
how it was, how it felt, how it shaped your understanding of today.
It is that time of the year in which pain revisits you.
The end of the year in which you remember those experiences.
The end of the year in which you are still in shock about what happened
around this time, after this time, at a later time.
The end of the year in which you are still in shock about who you were some…
some years ago.
The end of the year in which you revisit the Dark Side…
a reminder of the potential of who you could be, who you have been,
who you fear to be, who you do not want to be.
The end of the year in which you count your losses and disappointments.
The end of the year in which you marvel at how you survived.
The end of the year in which revisiting the Dark Side is like revisiting home.
The end of the year in which you wish to exorcise the Dark Side within you
And run away…
And jump into the deep ocean.
And feel connected again with the whole of who you are.
To feel connected to multiple parts sometimes forgotten,
sometimes unseen, sometimes invisible.
To feel connected to the Dark Side,
to the unnamed, to the unspoken.
To feel connected to the Light within you.
Once you’ve remembered, just breathe…
And stare at a beautiful point in the horizon
And move mindfully as you remember
And connect with your skin by feeling
How your body changes as you revisit these memories,
How you try to resist to be present as the memories rush into your mind… uninvited,
How you try to disconnect from your uncomfortable emotions,
How you go to places like… blame and shame and disappointment and victimhood,
How life feels heavier as you remember,
like you were living it and trapped in it again.
How it feels so heavy it would be better to give up
the fight, the survival, the thriving after what it was.
It is that time of the year… that time of the year again
in which you are at awe of how you survived.
There is a taste of victory within
by revisiting these painful memories and acknowledging
you fought like no one could imagine you could fight.
Even when it feels so bad to remember.
Even when it feels there was no fight.
Even when you feel like a loser.
Even when you feel you surrendered
by leaving it behind and moving on
to a wonderful and better life.
It is that time of the year in which you realize
how those painful memories
have taken you to a path you did not dare to name before,
to discover, to search for, those parts of you unacknowledged
but within reach.
How you were blooming all along
without even knowing it.
How you learned to trust your own wisdom,
your insight, your intuition.
And fall in love with knowing your intuition was always right.
Your inner voice showed you the path to follow
out of a nightmare.
It is the end of the year in which you were reminded of what it was,
how it was, how it felt, how it shaped your understanding of today.
The end of the year… again.
***
Merari Fernandez is a native Puerto Rican woman, who has found in writing the power of healing herself and the world. Encouraged as a child to put her mind into writing by her grandmother, she has found it beneficial when she cannot find the spoken words and when she has something important to say that can shake someone’s perspective. She is a therapist in private practice in Chicago at The Healing Journey Psychotherapy, and has devoted her life to work with survivors of abuse as well as with any suffering human being who has come to her for support and help. She loves Yoga, animals, the sun, the moon, the sea and the forest and anything that claim to be alive. Although, she feels deeply connected to her past ancestors. She continuous finds new ways to be present with her current life and is open to what life brings to her.
***
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