I Did Not Ask For Any of This.
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It’s not my fault I have a chronic health condition.
It’s not my fault I was born a highly sensitive person, let alone born at all. I didn’t ask to be more, genetically speaking, susceptible to chronic illness.
It’s not my fault I was born into the family I was born into. Research out there indicates that combined with the genetic factor, any kind of abuse, neglect or trauma experienced before age 18, ups chances of later susceptibility to chronic stress-induced illness.
I didn’t ask my dad to die of a heart attack or for him to cheat, which resulted in my mom divorcing him. I didn’t ask my mom to move us all over the province so she could go back to school full-time and then find work. I didn’t ask for sleep problems because of constant moves to be set up.
I didn’t ask for an adult child of an alcoholic mother who was emotionally immature, possibly narcissistic (these two usually go hand in hand). I didn’t ask for childhood emotional neglect, as a result of this. I didn’t ask to be parentified either, nor did I ask to be bullied several times.
I didn’t ask to be jobless. I didn’t ask to develop fibro in my mid-twenties either. The majority of research and studies out there are of women in their mid-forties to mid-fifties.
The percentage of women who get it in their twenties, or earlier, is far less, two percent I believe. It’s an even smaller percentage for anyone under 20 or someone in their thirties. Your twenties and thirties are a prime time to study, work, travel, and have little obligations.
I didn’t ask for estranged relatives or having no friends (who get me) either. I have a personality where toxic people come my way (both online and IRL), either because I’m an HSP or because of what I went through as a kid and haven’t developed a fine-tuned filter for toxic people.
The people around this town are stoners, with no ambition or goals in life. They say with any kind of chronic condition, the key is support, whether that’s emotional or physical (or both).
It’s a shame that I have no one.
I do think it’s why I feel much more pain and frustration, I’m literally all alone in this. In the town I live in, there’s no pain group or pain management places. I’ve tried joining online forums and Facebook groups, but it’s just people posting endless comments about how they’re hurting and they’re not learning what to do about it.
So I’m stuck alone, though I know I’m not the only one to be in this situation.
There are plenty of times when I ask Why me? I wasn’t into contact sports. I was never in any accidents or had bad infections. I never had surgeries. I wasn’t into experimenting either. All of these increase chances of future health issues. I lived well, eating wholesomely and exercising.
I’m a Virgo, for crying out loud!
It just doesn’t seem fair, not in the slightest. It all makes me frustrated, angry, and disappointed. Who wouldn’t be? I have worries about what the future holds for me in terms of work, finances, travel, dating, marriage, and children. However, who wouldn’t, right? I know many people are in the same boat with such thoughts, so this comforts me a little.
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Jade Bald is a full-time guest post contributor, cat mom, and history graduate. She’s written for over a dozen blogs and has penned over two dozen articles. You could connect with her via her website, Pinterest or Twitter.
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