Staying In Love: 5 Elements Of A Solid Relationship.
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How is your relationship? Fine? Really? You can settle with fine, or you can aim for something better. Something raw, beautiful and very real.
Falling in love is the easy, but staying in love is the dedication. Past relationships and patterns, fundamental differences in beliefs, perspectives, and thoughts on ways of living and navigating the world can all take their toll on a relationship.
Building a solid foundation weaved in vibrant colors of magic, combined with the day-to-day routine, requires both work and maturity.
Are you ready to find Magic in the threads of love?
“A soul’s fabric was weaving itself with mine. I loved the frayed ends where it came unraveled, and I loved the strength at its firm, solid center. I loved every thread.” ~ Jeri Smith-Ready
Along with the regular necessary ingredients such as love, intimacy, trust and commitment, there are 5 key elements to creating and sustaining a loving and lasting relationship.
1. Growth
Does your current relationship support and encourage growth? Do you move mountains with your dreams like you move the furniture in your apartment? Similar to dream building, by simply changing the angle of your sofa, you change the view.
Encouraging one another to grow as individuals gives new perspective. It creates trust, excitement and possibility.
Does your partner encourage and support your dreams, travel plans and visions, or instead, instill fear while stomping on them like they are pesky and annoying insects? Do they remind you or try to make you forget?
Do they gently nudge or are they too absent-minded and settled into their own routine and monotony?
Do you want to be someone’s habit or the foundation to their Tower of Pisa?
To achieve our higher purpose, our goals and our dreams alone is an accomplishment, but to achieve it together is conquering the world in its truest form. With true love, we can achieve twice as much and be as doubly potent.
Choose someone who not only supports your growth but also encourages it enough to let your genius shine through.
“We all have something that we are meant to do. Your genius will shine through, and happiness will fill your life, the instant you discover your higher purpose you will then direct all your energies towards it.” ~ Robin Sharma
2. Shine
Do you shine in the presence of your lover? Do you radiate warmth and light? Do you feel loved to the extent you become love? When we are in a relationship with a shining star, we too become part of the galaxy, naturally lighting up the universe with our love.
“Be with those who help your being.” ~ Rumi
More importantly, how does being with this person make you feel? Insecure, threatened, guilty, unhappy? Or vibrant, brilliant and illuminated?
“Words are a pretext. It is the inner bond that draws one person to another, not words.” ~ Rumi
It is not what is said, but our feelings that indicate the state of our relationship. If we feel anxious, unsettled and blackened in the presence of another more than we feel exuberant, excited, and optimistic, then it may be time to reevaluate. Perhaps your reevaluation is long overdue.
Choose and Be that someone who helps bring out the Shine in others. Do not compare and contrast, instead shine forth the best qualities in you and in others.
“And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.” ~ Nelson Mandela
3. Security
We all want to feel safe. The feeling of being wrapped loosely in a tender blanket of love is a secure way to surrender. Safe, warm, and homey, like hot tea sweetened with honey.
Playing games with one’s mind or heart is not love, it is damaging and sadistic. Instead, choose truth, love and availability. Choose the home rather than the dream vacation. There is beautiful contentment in comfort, yet comfort is undervalued. Comfort is not complacent.
Comfort is surrendering to the safety of a loving and caring mature relationship.
Unsafe and insecure relationships can cause irreversible damage. Watch for the signs in a partner; withdrawn, distant, cruel, absent, insecure, jealous, thoughts of ownership, threats or anger.
Build a safe home. Include tenderness, intimacy, kindness, presence, authenticity, gentleness, play-fullness, responsibility, commitment, fun and a ton of laughter.
“The ache for home lives in all of us. The safe place where we can go as we are and not be questioned. ~ Maya Angelou
4. Acceptance
Nothing is more beautiful than being truly seen for who you are. To have our days of vulnerability, rawness, ugly, cynicism, pessimism, inquisition, and fear accepted unconditionally is a gift, a rare gift. And when it is given out of love, show mad appreciation. One day the gift will need to be reciprocated.
That is true love. The even exchange and flow of natural reciprocity. No points are tallied. Acceptance in a loving relationship builds a greater foundation and a warmer, more welcoming home.
Do you want to spend countless hours, days and years continually trying to justify who you are and what you feel? Or would it not be better to slide into your lover’s arms and be able to read each other like you are lines in a favorite novel becoming so intuitive to one another’s quirks and needs.
Give up your expectations and settle in to find someone you love just the way they are. Let them be them and you be you.
“To be fully seen by somebody, then, and be loved anyhow – this is a human offering that can border on miraculous.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
5. Laughter
Laughter is healing and soul-opening, especially in times of difficulty, even just a smile makes the world feel and look better. How often do you smile and laugh in the presence of your lover?
Choose love that is traced in laughter. Embrace the fragility of life with a smile. We all have stress in our work, finances and families but few of us can welcome it with laughter. Choose to lighten up and create a home that others want to be a part of. Open the drapes, let in the light, soak it up and smile.
“When you lose your laugh, you lose your footing.” ~ Ken Kesey
I would rather live a short life filled with laughter than a long life filled with tears of sadness. Even better, while holding a hand.
“I can tell if two people are in love by how they hold each others hands, and by how thick their sanitation gloves are.” ~ Jarod Kintz
What about You?
*****
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Alison Nappi
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