Meditation: A Reluctant Beginner’s Early Attempts.
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Today it seems that a lot of well-known and successful people are either learning to meditate or sheepishly admitting to have been cultivating a habit for years and, in some cases, decades.
Ellen DeGeneres, Russell Brand, Sheryl Crow, Hugh Jackman and Oprah are all converts to the gentle practice, with Clint Eastwood and Sir Paul McCartney both clocking in an impressive 40 years of regular meditation.
“In moments of madness, meditation has helped me find moments of serenity.” ~ Sir Paul McCartney
Although meditation has been practiced within the context of religion for thousands of years, it is only since the 1960s, when it became westernized, that it grew mainstream. There are now many user-friendly versions of meditation that promise to help still my mind so I can rest peacefully between my thoughts.
I knew it would be good for me, but why was it so hard to begin?
Reasons I couldn’t meditate
For 10 years, I had a secret desire and forlorn hope that one day I would learn to meditate. I was over-scheduled, over-committed, and too busy. I always seemed to be rushing from one place to another, one idea to another, one baby to another, one country to another. I was high on start-ability and low on stick-ability.
I had too much stuff in my life, my home, and in my head, and yet I was reluctant to let go of any of it.
On the laundry bench were gatherings of smooth stones for mosaicing, potting mix and seed trays for my longed-for herb garden, adored baby clothes to make into a patchwork quilt, stacks of photos for framing, piles of kids’ letters, art, and cuteness waiting to be turned into scrapbooks, as well as maps and plans for upcoming trips.
In short, I had plenty to do. I loved deepening my self-awareness through new connections and new processes, but I tended to measure my success by how much I got done in a day rather than who I was as a person.
I loved living a rich and full life, but trying to fit it all in often left me feeling unfulfilled and unsatisfied as I tried to cram in more and more.
Science and Philosophy offer incentives
I had a secret suspicion that the practice of meditation might be rather boring. Plus, all that mindlessness and do-less-ness would take up precious time resulting in even less sleep or more multi-tasking. And worse, I may feel compelled to stop drinking red wine and black coffee.
No! There were websites to build and a company to launch.
“Meditation makes the entire nervous system go into a field of coherence.” ~ Deepak Chopra
I wanted the benefits of meditating without actually doing it. I needed a greater enticement than the vague promise of a better life. I turned first to science, and then to philosophy, to find some specific incentives.
Physical benefits of regular meditation
There are hundreds of well-researched studies proving that a regular habit of meditation is good for our physical and mental health. The general consensus is: increased immunity, reduced inflammation, lower blood pressure, and better sleep. There are even studies linking meditation to weight-loss… Hmm…
“Meditation increases brainwave coherence. One result is better cognitive and analytical functioning – the mind becomes clear and sharp like a laser beam.” ~ Maharishi Mahesh Yogi
The mental benefits of meditation seem unlimited; from helping athletes improve their performance, to reducing anxiety and depression in stressed out workaholics, it seems to be a universal panacea for just about every stress-related condition. Yet still I hadn’t begun.
I thought my busy-mind mental chatter was a natural byproduct of a full and interesting life. If I needed clarity on an issue, I would either pay a therapist to give me a wider perspective, or plan an exotic holiday escape.
Meditation suggested that I could make better decisions and improve my critical thinking without constantly seeking outside of myself for answers.
Emotional balance and greater calm
Using coffee to get me up in the morning, chocolate mid-afternoon to push through the post-lunch slump, or a glass of pinot to calm me down in the evening, seemed a fine way to manage my emotional state. I didn’t want to function without my props, and was suspicious at any suggestion to the contrary. After all, my props were delicious!
Yet the research was indicating that a short and simple practice would bring an improved emotional balance and a greater calm to my see-sawing moods.
Spiritual centering and deepening self-awareness
Our great spiritual teachers all point to the same observation: meditation brings a sense of spirit into daily life while deepening one’s self-awareness. Their wisdom speaks of living in the present moment, and in a state of fulfillment regardless of life’s ebbs and flows.
Laser-beam mind, greater calm, Buddha-like wisdom, physical ease, and deeper self-awareness? These benefits are definitely enough to spur an enthusiastic leap onto the nearest cushion for some cross-legged contemplation! So why was I still avoiding it? Was there another reason?
In the beginning, it was painful
Convinced of the benefits and feeling guilty that I wasn’t already underway, I forced a few hesitant attempts. Sitting still and trying to remain empty was boring. My busy mind would run through endless to-do lists, or start obsessing about how slowly time was passing.
“Meditation is painful in the beginning but it bestows immortal Bliss and supreme joy in the end.” ~ Swami Sivananda
My stress levels increased as valuable time ticked away without producing any positive results. I wasn’t feeling calmer, more intuitive or peaceful. The phone was off the hook, the chanting track was gently playing, and clouds of meditation-enhancing incense swirled through the air.
My lower back started to ache from sitting too straight, I needed to pee, a cloudy headache threatened in the distance, and even the sound of my own breathing was distracting and annoying. All of my energy was committed to the practice, yet I wasn’t feeling any calmer, more intuitive, or peaceful.
“In the beginner’s mind there are many possibilities, but in the expert’s there are few.” ~ Zen Master Shunryo Suzuki
I started over, and this time with just one thing: a candle. The most beautiful one I could find. I lit the candle with a match, enjoying the scrape of the phosphorus against the box, the smell of gunpowder, the spark of light and heat, the deliciousness of playing with fire. I set a timer for two minutes and concentrated on the flame.
The orange phantom danced across my perception, flickering back and forth with light. I let any thoughts that arose float by without following them, or if I did follow a thought for a moment I would catch myself, detach from it, and return to the present moment.
To start with, that’s all I did. My mind was like an untrained puppy on a walk without a leash. It gazed all around, following a sniff trail in one direction, or an interesting sound in another. It rarely returned to the present moment of its own accord and, in the early stages, needed to be called to heel constantly.
Soon the timer became an unwelcome intrusion, and I replaced it with a short track of rhythmic chanting. I began to see the practice as a tiny island cut off from the mainland, a place I floated out to and returned from more rested and calmer than before.
A cup of green tea, a stick of fragrant incense… one by one I layered lovely things into my basic practice. It helped disconnect my mind from the lists and busyness, and bring my attention to the present moment. The ritual was organic and always evolving, holding my attention.
Home Again
Rather than being an island I floated out to, my practice became a bridge between spirit and matter, integrating these two separate worlds into a richer multi-layered state of being. I was less focused on doing, and more centered on being. As a result, I got more of what mattered done in an increasingly effortless way.
I was more creative, and less attached to my ideas. I was more in flow with the natural rhythms within and around me. As I began to trust my intuition more, like a muscle strengthened with exercise, my inner knowing got stronger.
Once I had my own attention, I found I was connected to a vast network of consciousness, where ideas, solutions, and connections would download easily. The process was self-teaching and ever-deepening. I felt part of a whole system of energy — expansive, connected, peaceful and invigorated.
“The answer lies within, do not seek it without.” ~ Unknown
How did it happen?
It took 10 years of ignoring the practice, and another five years of actively resisting, before I made a start. Yet, once underway, the benefits were almost immediate.
Like many things that are difficult in the beginning or awkward to start, meditation took a little bit of practice to get over feeling self-conscious and a little longer to tap into the joy within.
I began by meditating for just a few minutes each day, the ring of the timer a welcome signal that the ordeal was over. It wasn’t long before my self-enforced time limit felt too restrictive. Over the coming weeks and months, I gradually increased the length of the background music to five minutes, to 12, then to 20 minutes.
Suddenly I was meditating for 30 minutes at a time. My practice gently grew just by nurturing it, no spreadsheet required.
Angelic singing or tracks with too much melody were distracting, and kept me up in my head. I would start humming along with the music, plus it was too easy to measure time passing with the song. I gave myself permission to play, and experimented with swirling chants, haunting hymns, and Eastern instrumentals.
Guided meditations were also helpful in the early stages (there are all sorts to choose from online). Tricky as it was to stay awake with my eyes closed, following the guided imagery and body relaxation prompts helped me let go mentally and physically without falling asleep.
“Meditation brings wisdom.” ~ Buddha
Seven years have passed since I began those grudging two-minute trips. I still meditate every day or two. A combination of didgeridoo tracks and soft drumbeats helps create a soothing cocoon and a way to smoothly disconnect from the outer world and sink into the one within.
Although I still love Egyptian Goddess incense and Clary Sage candles, the props have become less important as the transition to my inner world has become more smooth and easy.
Looking back, I can see how practicing meditation little and often has delivered on every one of its promises and more. I still approach each inward journey like a beginner, though now I do so wholeheartedly.
Remember, there are no rules to follow and no end-point to try and get to. The practice itself is the beginning and the end. Enjoy finding what works for you!
Notes
1. Relaxation appears to boost immunity in recovering cancer patients. In a study at Ohio State, a month of relaxation exercises boosted natural killer cells in the elderly, giving them a greater resistance to tumors and to viruses.
2. Stress leads to inflammation, a condition linked to heart disease, arthritis, asthma and skin conditions such as psoriasis, according to researchers at Emory University in the US. Relaxation can help prevent and treat such symptoms by switching off the stress response.
3. Lower blood pressure: A British Medical Journal report found that patients trained how to relax had significantly lower blood pressure.
4. Relief from irritable bowel syndrome: When patients suffering from irritable bowel syndrome began practicing a relaxation meditation twice daily, their symptoms of bloating, diarrhea and constipation improved significantly. The meditation was so effective the researchers at the State University of New York recommended it as an effective treatment.
5. Increased fertility: A study at the University of Western Australia found that women are more likely to conceive during periods when they are relaxed rather than stressed.
6. Meditation and weight loss: A high level of cortisol makes your body store extra fat in your abdomen and makes you crave fattening foods with extra intensity. The Journal of the American Dietetic Association reported that stress in general is a primary predictor of relapse and overeating. And they concluded that meditation is an effective method for managing the kind of stress that causes weight gain.
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Melanie G Mason is an author, artist, and photographer. She regularly sees the world through the lens of her camera, and writes about creative approaches to living a more authentic and fulfilling life. After emerging from the rubble of one of the big Christchurch earthquakes in 2011, she adopted a cat and founded the Thankyou Project. Her aim is to help create a new currency of kindness based on gratitude. Inspired by her children and with a passion for creative expression, Melanie has written and illustrated many children’s books (some of them edible). She has also published four inspirational editions including ‘Goodbye for Times of Sadness & Loss’, and ‘Thankyou — Living in Gratitude’. Despite over 12,000 earthquakes, Melanie is still living in Christchurch, New Zealand where she tries to balance the commitments of family life with her many creative passions, including her company Creatrix Ltd and the Thankyou Project.
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