Not one of us can know the thousands of internal steps it took another to break through the fold, defy all odds, purge through lifetimes, lineages of shame.
There is also the practice of free writing where you just allow your writing to be a mind dump or a way of connecting with your definition of the Divine.
I imagined a big brother to a school pal to get me out of a situation. This enigmatic figure of an older male dominates in my search for a life partner.
The apocalypse overall is about unveiling ourselves to our true natures and opening up to the kingdom of heaven by opening up vulnerably as your naked self.