Elisabeth Kübler-Ross and David Kessler, in 'On Grief and Grieving', identified five stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression and Acceptance.
The notes never start with a 'Hey, how are you?' Just random scribbles, anger palpable through the lines, which direct me to take a look in the mirror.
The anger I felt was frustration at my unhappiness, my perceived inability to do anything about it, and that terrible feeling of being stuck and helpless.
As I began to acknowledge my inner children, see them, hear them and love them, their unmet needs became easier to recognize and they began reaching out to me in healthier, less destructive ways.
First I had to admit that I was angry. Then I had to stay with my anger, to listen to it. By paying attention, I could transform destructive anger into creative anger.
In truth, I thought I would only be gone a short while. But the more I traveled, the further I went. I traveled so far from anything that resembled her.
I’m holding in my body so much anger and humiliation, and I’m lashing out at the one who hurt me. There is a real confusion in my heart as to why we found ourselves in this place. I have lost confidence in who I am and my place in the world... My shadow side is the pure expression of my hurt, ...
I discovered the joy of swearing at an early age, despite (or maybe because of) parents who seldom swore and strongly discouraged their three daughters from doing so.